DR. DONNE, the Dean of St. Paul's, having married a lady of a rich and noble family without the consent of the parents, was treated with great asperity. Having been told by the father that he was to expect no money from him, the doctor went home and wrote the following note to him: "John Donne, Anne Donne, _undone_." This quibble had the desired effect, and the distressed couple were restored to favor. MDCLXXXIII.--VULGARITY. SIR WALTER SCOTT once happening to hear his daughter Anne say of something, that it was _vulgar_, gave the young lady the following temperate rebuke: "My love, you speak like a very young lady; do you know, after all, the meaning of this word _vulgar_? 'Tis only _common_; nothing that is common, except wickedness, can deserve to be spoken of in a tone of contempt; and when you have lived to my years, you will be disposed to agree with me in thanking God that nothing really worth having or caring about in this world is _uncommon_." MDCLXXXIV.--AN EXPENSIVE JOB. A GENTLEMAN passing a country church while under repair, observed to one of the workmen, that he thought it would be an expensive job. "Why, yes," replied he; "but in my opinion we shall accomplish what our reverend divine has endeavored to do, for the last thirty years, in vain."--"What is that?" said the gentleman. "Why, bring all the parish _to repentance_." MDCLXXXV.--PROSINESS. A PROSY old gentleman meeting Jerrold, related a long, limp account of a stupid practical joke, concluding with the information that "he really thought he should have _died_ with laughter."--"I wish to heaven you had," was Jerrold's reply. MDCLXXXVI.--A PLEASANT MESSAGE. MR. BARTLEMAN, a celebrated bass-singer, was taken ill, just before the commencement of the musical festival at Gloucester: another basso was applied to, at a short notice, who attended, and acquitted himself to the satisfaction of everybody. When he called on the organist to be paid, the latter thanked him most cordially for the noble manner in which he had sung; and concluded with the following very complimentary and pleasant message: "When you see poor Bartleman, give my best regards _to him_; and tell him how much we _missed him_ during the festival!" MDCLXXXVII.--EXISTENCE OF MATTER. AS Berkeley, the celebrated author of the Immaterial Theory, was one morning musing in the cloisters of Dublin College, an acquaintance came up to him, and, seeing him rapt in contemplation, hit him a smart rap on the shoulder with his cane. The dean starting, called out, "_What's the matter_?" His acquaintance, looking him steadily in the face, replied, "_No matter, Berkeley_." MDCLXXXVIII.--A SAUCY ANSWER. A BARRISTER attempting to browbeat a female witness, told her she had _brass_ enough to make a saucepan. The woman retorted, "and you have _sauce_ enough to fill it." MDCLXXXIX.--QUAINT EPITAPH.