THE late James Fergusson, Clerk of Session, a most genial and amiable man, of whose periodical fits of absence most edifying stories are still repeated by his friends, was an excellent and eloquent speaker, but in truth, there was often more sound than matter in his orations. He had a habit of lending emphasis to his arguments by violently beating with his clenched hand the bar before which he pleaded. Once when stating a case to Lord Polkemmet, with great energy of action, his lordship interposed, and exclaimed, "Maister Jemmy, dinna dunt; ye think ye're duntin't _into_ me, and ye're just duntin't _out o' me_." DXXVI.--THE EMPTY GUN. AS Dick and Tom in fierce dispute engage, And, face to face, the noisy contest wage; "Don't _cock_ your chin at me," Dick smartly cries. "Fear not--his head's not _charged_," a friend replies. DXXVII.--A PIECE OF PLATE. A YOUNG actor having played a part tolerably well, Elliston one evening called him into the green-room, and addressed him to this effect: "Young man, you have not only pleased the public, but you have pleased me; and, as a slight token of my regard and good wishes, I beg your acceptance of a small _piece of plate_." It was, beyond all question, a _very_ small piece, for it was a silver toothpick! DXXVIII.--EPISCOPAL SAUCE. AT a dinner-party Archbishop Whately called out suddenly to the host, "Mr. ----!" There was silence. "Mr. ----, what is the proper female companion of this John Dory?" After the usual number of guesses an answer came, "_Anne Chovy_." DXXIX.--A GOOD CRITIC. A FRIEND of an artist was endeavoring to persuade him not to bestow so much time upon his works. "You do not know, then," said he, "that I have a master very difficult to please?"--"Who?"--"_Myself_." DXXX.--WILKES'S TERGIVERSATION. WILKES, one day in his later life, went to Court, when George III. asked him, in a good-natured tone of banter, how his friend Serjeant Glynn was. Glynn had been one of his most furious partisans. Wilkes replied, with affected gravity, "Nay, sire, don't call Serjeant Glynn a friend of mine; the fellow was a _Wilkite_, which your Majesty knows _I never was_." DXXXI.--A SLIGHT ERUPTION. A PERSON came almost breathless to Lord Thurlow, and exclaimed, "My lord, I bring tidings of calamity to the nation!"--"What has happened, man?" said the astonished Chancellor. "My lord, a rebellion has broken out."--"Where? where?"--"In the _Isle of Man_."--"In the Isle of Man," repeated the enraged Chancellor. "A tempest in a teapot!" DXXXII.--SMOKING AN M.P. AN honorable member, speaking about the tax on _tobacco_, somewhat ludicrously called for certain _returns_. DXXXIII.--A TIMELY REPROOF.