A FARMER, having lost some ducks, was asked by the counsel for the prisoner accused of stealing them to describe their peculiarity. After he had done so, the counsel remarked, "They can't be such a rare breed, as I have some like them in my yard."--"That's very likely," said the farmer; "these are not the _only ducks_ of the same sort I've had stolen lately." DXCIX.--VERY SERIOUS. A REGULAR physician being sent for by a quack, expressed his surprise at being called in on an occasion apparently trifling. "Not so trifling, neither," replied the quack; "for, to tell you the truth, I have, by mistake, taken some of my OWN PILLS." DC.--THE LATE LORD AUDLEY. MR. PHILIP THICKNESSE, father of the late Lord Audley, being in want of money, applied to his son for assistance. This being denied, he immediately hired a cobbler's stall, directly opposite his lordship's house, and put up a board, on which was inscribed, in large letters, "Boots and shoes mended in the best and cheapest manner, by Philip Thicknesse, _father_ of Lord Audley." His lordship took the hint, and the board was removed. DCI.--DELICATE HINT. QUEEN CAROLINE, when Princess of Wales, in one of her shrewd letters, says, "_My better half_, or my worse, which you choose, has been ill, I hear, but nothing to make me hope or fear." DCII.--A SCOTCH MEDIUM. AFTER giving Sandy certain directions about kirk matters, the minister sniffed once or twice, and remarked, "Saunders, I fear you have been 'tasting' (taking a glass) this morning."--"'Deed, sir," replied Sandy, with the coolest effrontery, set off with a droll glance of his brown eyes; "'Deed, sir, I was just ga'in' to observe I thocht there was a smell o' speerits _amang us_ this mornin'!" DCIII.--EPIGRAM. A WATCH lost in a tavern! That's a crime; Then see how men by drinking lose their time. The watch kept time; and if time will away, I see no reason why the watch should stay. You say the key hung out, and you failed to lock it; Time will not be kept pris'ner in a pocket. Henceforth, if you will keep your watch, this do, Pocket your watch, and watch your pocket, too. DCIV.--PERFECT DISCONTENT. AN old lady was in the habit of talking to Jerrold in a gloomy depressing manner, presenting to him only the sad side of life. "Hang it!" said Jerrold, one day, after a long and sombre interview, "she wouldn't allow there was a bright side to the moon." DCV.--A BAD BARGAIN. A MAN bought a horse on condition that he should pay half down, and be in debt for the remainder. A short time after, the seller demanding payment of the balance, the other answered, "No; it was agreed that I should be _in your debt_ for the _remainder_; how can that be if I _pay_ it?" DCVI.--A PIOUS MINISTER.