A GOOD instance of absence of mind was an editor quoting from a rival paper one of his own articles, and heading it, "Wretched Attempt at Wit." DCXV.--A PILL GRATIS. A PERSON desirous of impressing Lord Ellenborough with his importance, said, "I sometimes employ myself as a doctor."--"Very likely," remarked his lordship; "but is any one fool enough to _employ you_ in that capacity?" DCXVI.--RATHER HARD. WE are told that a member for old Sarum (consisting of one large mansion) was once in danger of being pelted with stones; he would have found it _hard_ to have been assailed with his _own constituents_. DCXVII.--SCOTCH PENETRATION. AN old lady who lived not far from Abbotsford, and from whom the "Great Unknown" had derived many an ancient tale, was waited upon one day by the author of "Waverley." On Scott endeavoring to conceal the authorship, the old dame protested, "D'ye think, sir, I dinna ken my _ain_ groats in ither folk's kail?" DCXVIII.--A QUESTION OF TIME. WHEN Jeremy Taylor was introduced to the Archbishop of Canterbury, he was told by the prelate, that his extreme youth was a bar to his present employment. "If your grace," replied Taylor, "will _excuse_ me this _fault_, I promise, if I live, to mend it." DCXIX.--EPIGRAM. (On the sincerity of a certain prelate.) ---- ----'S discourses from his _heart_ Proceed, as everybody owns; And thus they prove the poet's art, Who says that "sermons are in _stones_." DCXX.--CONCURRENT EVENTS. A YOUNG fellow, very confident in his abilities, lamented one day that he had _lost_ all his Greek. "I believe it happened at the same time, sir," said Dr. Johnson, "that I _lost_ all my large estate in Yorkshire." DCXXI.--A GOOD EXCUSE. AN attorney on being called to account for having acted unprofessionally in taking less than the usual fees from his client, pleaded that he had taken _all_ the man had. He was thereupon honorably acquitted. DCXXII.--SHORT AND SHARP. "WHY, Mr. B.," said a tall youth to a little person who was in company with half-a-dozen huge men, "I protest you are so very small I did not see you before." "Very likely," replied the little gentleman; "I am like a sixpence among six copper pennies,--not easily perceived, but worth the _whole_ of them." DCXXIII.--IRELAND'S FORGERY. SAYS Kemble to Lewis, "Pray what is your play?" Cries Lewis to Kemble, "The _Lie of the Day_!" "Say you so?" replied Kemble; "why, we _act the same_; But to cozen the town we adopt a _new name_; For that _Vortigern's_ Shakespeare's we some of us say, Which you very well know is a _lie_ of the day." DCXXIV.--A GOOD ONE.