DURING the assizes, in a case of assault and battery, where a stone had been thrown by the defendant, the following clear and conclusive evidence was drawn out of a Yorkshireman:-- "Did you see the defendant throw the stone?"--"I saw a stone, and I'ze pretty sure the defendant throwed it." "Was it a large stone?"--"I should say it wur a largish stone." "What was its size?"--"I should say a sizeable stone." "Can't you answer definitely how big it was?"--"I should say it wur a stone of some bigness." "Can't you give the jury some idea of the stone?"--"Why, as near as I recollect, it wur something of a stone." "Can't you compare it to some other object?"--"Why, if I wur to compare it, so as to give some notion of the stone, I should say it wur as large as a lump o' chalk!" DCXCVI.--FATIGUE DUTY. A CERTAIN reverend gentleman in the country was complaining to another that it was a great fatigue to preach twice a day. "Oh!" said the other, "I preach twice every Sunday, and _make nothing_ of it." DCXCVII.--GLUTTONS AND EPICURES. STEPHEN KEMBLE (who was very fat) and Mrs. Esten, were crossing the Frith, when a gale sprang up, which alarmed the passengers. "Suppose, Mr. Kemble," said Mrs. Esten; "suppose we become food for fishes, which of us two do you think they will eat first?"--"Those that are _gluttons_," replied the comedian, "will undoubtedly fall foul of _me_, but the _epicures_ will attack you!" DCXCVIII.--A BAD END. IT was told of Jekyll, that one of his friends, a brewer, had been drowned in his own vat. "Ah!" he exclaimed, "floating in his own _watery bier_." DCXCIX.--ON THE NAME OF KEOPALANI (QUEEN OF THE SANDWICH ISLANDS), WHICH SIGNIFIES "THE DROPPING OF THE CLOUDS FROM HEAVEN." THIS name's the best that could be given, As will by proof be quickly seen; For "dropping from the clouds from Heaven," She was, of course, the _raining Queen_. DCC.--ACCOMMODATING PRINCIPLES. IN one of Sir Robert Walpole's letters, he gives a very instructive picture of a skilful minister and a condescending Parliament. "My dear friend," writes Sir Robert, "there is scarcely a member whose purse I do not know to a sixpence, and whose very soul almost I could not purchase at the offer. The reason former ministers have been deceived in this matter is evident--they never considered the temper of the people they had to deal with. I have known a minister so weak as to offer an avaricious old rascal a star and garter, and attempt to bribe a young rogue, who set no value upon money, with a lucrative employment. I pursue methods as opposite as the poles, and therefore my administration has been attended with a different effect." "Patriots," says Walpole, "spring up like mushrooms. I could raise fifty of them within four-and-twenty hours. I have raised many of them in one night. It is but refusing to gratify an unreasonable or insolent demand, and _up starts_ a patriot."