THE old Scottish hearers were very particular on the subject of their ministers' preaching old sermons; and to repeat a discourse which they could recollect was always made a subject of animadversion by those who heard it. A beadle who was a good deal of a wit in his way, gave a sly hit in his pretended defence of his minister on the question. As they were proceeding from church, the minister observed the beadle had been laughing as if he had triumphed over some of his parishioners with whom he had been in conversation. On asking the cause of this, he received for answer, "Indeed, sir, they were saying ye had preached an auld sermon to-day, but I tackled them, for I tauld them it was no'an auld sermon, for the minister had preached it no' _sax months_ syne." DCCXVII.--LOVE OF THE SEA. LOVE the sea? I dote upon it,--from the beach.--D.J. DCCXVIII.--UNWELCOME AGREEMENT. A POMPOUS parish clergyman felt his dignity mightily offended by a chubby-faced lad who was passing him without moving his hat. "Do you know who I am, sir, that you pass me in that unmannerly way? You are better fed than taught, I think, sir."--"Whew, may be it is so, measter, for you _teaches_ me, but I _feeds_ myself." DCCXIX.--COOKE'S EXPLANATION OF THE FAMILY PLATE. AN American braggart told Cooke that his family was amongst the oldest in Maryland. Cooke inquired if he had carefully examined the family plate,--_the fetters and handcuffs_! DCCXX.--A SPECIMEN OF UNIVERSITY ETIQUETTE. A POOR youth, brought up in one of the colleges, could not afford the price of a pair of shoes, but when his old ones were worn out at the toes, had them capped with leather: whereupon his companions began to jeer him for so doing: "Why," said he, "don't you see they must be _capped_? Are they not _fellows_?" DCCXXI.--A MEDICAL OPINION. AN unfortunate man, who had never drank water enough to warrant the disease, was reduced to such a state by dropsy, that a consultation of physicians was held upon his case. They agreed that tapping was necessary, and the poor patient was invited to submit to the operation, which he seemed inclined to do in spite of the entreaties of his son. "O, father, father, do not let them _tap_ you," screamed the boy, in an agony of tears; "do anything, but do not let them tap you!"--"Why, my dear?" inquired the afflicted parent, "it will do me good, and I shall live long in health to make you happy."--"No, father, no, you will not: there never was anything _tapped_ in our house that lasted longer than a week." DCCXXII.--THE CAUSE. LISETTE has lost her wanton wiles-- What secret care consumes her youth, And circumscribes her smiles? _A speck on a front tooth._ DCCXXIII.--WHAT'S GOING ON? A VERY prosy gentleman, who was in the habit of waylaying Jerrold, met his victim, and, planting himself in the way, said, "Well, Jerrold, what is going on to-day?"