* * * * * Oh, it will be all right, never fear! Never yet have I failed to do what I resolved to do. And thou world, thou wouldst have me thy slave; but I am no man's slave--not I! * * * * * My death-warrant is ready. I go for it to-morrow. * * * * * June 6th. Last night I knelt by the bedside, far into the deep hours, far into the dawn. The whole drama of my life rolled out before me, I saw it all, I lived it all again; and Him in whose arms I lay--I blessed Him for the whole of it. Now that the pain is gone I see that it was beautiful, that flower of my life. Other flowers the plant might have borne; but this flower was beautiful; and each flower is for itself. I stretch out my arms, I float upon a tide, back, back, into the rolling source of things. Weep not for me, you who may love me; I can not die, for I never was; that which I am, I was always, and shall be ever; I am _He_. Go out into the world, you who may love me, and say, “This flower is he, this sunset cloud is he; this wind is his breath, this song is his spirit.” * * * * * What is my faith, the faith in which I die? It is the faith of modern thought; it is the faith of the ages. It is a spiritual Pantheism, an impassioned Agnosticism. * * * * * A Presence am I; what is my source I know not, nor can I ever know. The moral fact I know, my will; and I take it as I find it, and rejoice in the making of beauty. * * * * * Do I believe that I ever shall live again? I know that I shall not. I do not insult His perfection and my faith, with the wish that such as I should be immortal. What I have He gave me; it is His, and He will take it. I have no rights, and I have no claims. I see not why He should give me ages because He has given me an hour. He never turns back, He never makes over again--that I know. * * * * * --And neither do I ask rewards; my life was beautiful, I bless Him for every prayer. I ask Him not that He cover the fair painting with whitewash. * * * * * I have no fear of Oblivion. I have no thoughts about it. There are no thoughts in Oblivion. _The days when thou wert not, did they trouble thee? The days when thou art not shall trouble thee as much_. * * * * * --I have made up my mind that I will get some work this morning, or sell my coat, or something. I will go out into the country, I will be alone with Him to-night. I will fling off every chain that has bound me. I will fling off the world, I will fling off pain, I will fling off health. I will say, “Burst thyself, brain! Rend thyself, body, as thou wilt!--but I will see my God to-night before I die!” * * * * * I have been to the publishers. They gave me back The Captive. “It is done.”