--And then I say with considerable scorn in my voice: “Haven't you learned enough about that manuscript yet? And about publishers yet?” * * * * * February 10th. Just imagine! I went to see him to-day, and he stared at me. “Why, sure enough, Mr. Stirling!--It had slipped my mind entirely!” I have learned to bear things. I asked him calmly to let me know as soon as possible. He said: “I am honestly so rushed that I do not know where to turn. But I will do the best I possibly can.” I said--poor, pitiful cringing, is it not terrible?--that I'd be up his way again in three days, and did he think he could have it read by then. He said he was not sure, but that he'd try. And so I went away. Now I have two dollars and twenty-three cents. I have to pay my rent to-morrow, and that will leave me a dollar and a half. I can make that do me seven or eight days--I have one or two things at home. I'll wait the three days--and then I'll have to set out in earnest to find something to do. Oh, the horror of not knowing if you can pay your next week's room rent in this fearful city! * * * * * February 11th. I sat and looked at myself to-day. I said: “When a soul is crushed like this, can it ever get up again? Can it ever be the same, no matter what happens? Don't you see the fact, that you've been tamed and broken--that you've _given in_! And how will you ever rise from the shame of it, how will you ever forget it? All this skulking and trembling--how will you ever dare look yourself in the face again! Will not it mock your every effort? Why, you poor wretch, _you've got a broken back!”_ * * * * * February 12th. And to-morrow again I must go there, trembling and nervous, hanging on a word! There is not much sense in it, but I have learned to hate all men who have ease and power. * * * * * February 13th. I knew it! I could have told it beforehand. “I am awfully sorry, Mr. Stirling, but it is no use talking, I simply can not! I will write you just as soon as ever I get it read.” And so I came out. I had a dollar and twenty cents. My rent would be due in four days again. So even if I got some work at once I should have to pawn something. --Thus I began my search for a situation. I could not choose--I was willing to take anything. I fear I look like a tramp; but I have several letters from places where I have worked. Still, I could not find anything. I have tramped all day until I could hardly move. I bought a paper, but everything advertised was gone by that time. If it would only snow again, so that I could shovel some more! * * * * * February 14th.