Business compelled me to go to town, and my coachman drove me to the square; the shock of being almost within sight of those mangled remains was too much, of him, unhappy man, who now lies a melancholy proof of feelings too acute for existence. I would not have the self-reproach of having added one particle to the agony he endured, and am thankful that this sad catastrophe did not arise two years ago, altho’ I should have been as guiltless a cause as now; but the world and my own readiness to upbraid myself would have assigned my quitting him as the cause. Ld. Egremont,[115] with whom he had lately lived in habits of social intercourse, called at his door just after the perpetration of this dreadful act; he was excessively shocked, and went three times that night in great agitation to Ld. Ossory’s. He declared his intention of sending for the boys from school, and is now gone to Petworth with Webby. Henry is with my mother. The dear girl remains at school. Hitherto no will subsequent to that of ’86 has been found; perhaps upon a strict examination one may be discovered. The funeral went down this morning to Battle, very privately attended. Mr. Plummer was with me, and told me he was a creditor to the amount of seventeen thousand pounds. _8th June, 1800._--The average produced by my estates is estimated at seven thousand pr. anm. We shall not touch a stiver for these 18 months, and only till then incur trouble and expense. To recover the money to fulfil the complement dictated by my grandfather’s will, I must go to the seizure of his personal property. The sound is at first repugnant, seize the property to which my son is heir, but, in fact, it is only ascertaining my right, by which I shall prevent his coming upon the Holland estates after my death.[116] I have abstained from seeing company since this horrid business, chiefly from feeling unfit for society; and, besides that, I would not that any person should say that I exulted in an acquisition so obtained, and I think, if I did not feel strongly myself, it would be judicious to do nothing that might be reported to my children as offensive. The anxiety about their guardianship is great; it does not yet appear to whom the charge devolves. I wait quietly till the will is found, or the one of ’86 acted upon. If none is found, the verbal injunctions laid upon his family to exclude me from the happiness of seeing my children will operate but slightly. I shall openly seize every occasion of making them know how near an object it is to my heart to be loved by them, and opinion will side with me, however the Chaplins may act to annoy me. If the will of ’86 is to be in force, then nothing will be done but by the advice of the executors. [Sidenote: ‘LEGAL RECLUSES’]