_July 17. Y. P. ’98. Morning._ There was nothing very special during these 11 days. I have decided to give my novels away, _Resurrection_ and _Father Sergius_, to be printed for the Dukhobors.[346] S. went to Kiev. An inner struggle. I believe little in God. I do not rejoice at the examination, but am burdened by it, admitting in advance that I won’t pass. All last night I didn’t sleep. I rose early and prayed much. To-day the Dieterichs and the Gorbunovs arrived. It was pleasant with them. Took hold of _Resurrection_, and in the beginning it went well, but from the moment when I became alarmed, these two days, I have been unable to do anything. I took a very nice walk. I wrote a letter to Järnefelt[347] and prepared a postscript. This is the only important thing. But I haven’t the strength to withstand the customary temptation.[348] Come and dwell within us. Awake the resurrection in me! I have made many notes. I will hardly have time to write them out now. 1) Brooding leads to dreams, dreams to passions, passion to devils. (From _Love for the Good_.)[349] 2) The æsthetic pleasure which you receive from Nature is attainable to all. Every one is affected by it differently, but it affects every one. Art should have the same effect. 3) How difficult it is to really live for God alone. You think you are living for God, but as soon as life jolts you, as soon as that support in life to which you are holding on, fails you, then you feel that there is no holding power in God and you fall. 4) For _Father Sergius_: Alone he is good, with people he falls. 5) What an obvious error: to live for worldly ends. Whenever the purpose is not narrowly egotistic then this purpose is not quickly attained in life. Moses did not enter the promised land and Christ despaired of His labour: “Why hast Thou abandoned me?”... 6) There is no peace, either for him who lives for worldly ends among people, or for him who lives for spiritual ends alone. There is peace only then when a man lives for the service of God among people. _To-day, July 20. Y. P._ A letter from S and from Masha. I still do not sleep, but things are settling themselves in my soul, and as always, suffering is of benefit. Yesterday I went to Ovsiannikovo, spoke with Ivan Ivanovich.[350] Yesterday I worked well on _Resurrection_. It is morning now. I am not continuing to write out from the notebooks, but I am going to write out what I--not being asleep--have just now been thinking; it is an old but easily forgotten thing, and an important one which should be also told to N with whom they talked last night. Namely: