4) I often think that the world is such as it is, only because I
am so separated from all the rest. As soon as my separateness from
_Everything_ will end, then the limits will be torn away and other
limits will be established--and then the world will become altogether
different for me.
5) You wish to serve humanity? Very well. That which you wish to
do, another will do. Are you satisfied? No, dissatisfied, because
the important thing for me is not what will be done, but what _I_
will do; that I do my work. This is the best proof that the matter
is not in the doing, but in the advancement towards the good.
Is it possible that I am advancing? Help, Lord.
6) How difficult it is to please people: some need one thing, others
another. They need both my past and my future. God is one, and His
Will in respect to me is one, and He wants only my present, what I
am doing this minute is what He wants. And what was, has been, and
what will be, isn’t my business.
7) Egoism, the whole egoistic life, is legitimate only as long as
reason has not awakened. As soon as it has awakened, then egoism is
lawful, only to that degree in which one has to sustain oneself as a
tool necessary for the service of people. The purpose of reason--is
the service to people. All the horror lies in its being used for
service to oneself.
8) Man gives himself to the illusion of egoism, lives for himself--and
he suffers. It suffices that he begin to live for others, and the
suffering becomes lighter and there is obtained the highest good in
the world: love of people.
9) As one disaccustoms oneself from smoking or other habits, so
one can and must disaccustom oneself from egoism. When you wish to
enlarge your pleasure, when you wish to exhibit _yourself_, when
you call forth love in others, stop. If you have nothing to do for
others, or you have no desire to do anything, then do nothing--only
don’t do anything for yourself.
10) The Bavarian told about their life. He boasts about the high
degree of freedom, but at the same time they have compulsory religious
teaching, a crude Catholic one. That is the most horrible despotism.
Worse than ours.
_Aug. 25. Y. P. If I live._
_Nov. 2. Y. P._
It is horrible to see for what a long time I have made no entries:
more than two months. And not only has there been nothing bad, but
rather everything was good. The Jubilee was not as repulsive and
as depressing as I expected.[361] The sale of the novel and the
receipt of the 12,000 roubles which I gave to the Dukhobors was well
arranged.[362] I was displeased with Chertkov[363] and I saw that
I was at fault. A Dukhobor arrived from the province of Yakutsk. I
liked him very much[364] ...
Masha is pitiable in her weakness, but she is just as near in
spirit....
But glory to God and thanks be to Him that he has awakened it in me
and has kept it burning so that it is natural for me either to love
and rejoice, or to love and to pity. And what happiness!
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