But here is the last, most terrible, insoluble problem: What is it for? For what is this movement, this passing over from some lower, more separate consciousnesses, into a more common, higher one? For what--that is a mystery which we cannot know. It is for this that God is necessary and faith in Him. Only He knows it and one must have faith that so it ought to be. 2) And again I thought to-day, entirely unexpectedly, about the charm--exactly the charm--of awakening love, when against the background of joyous, pleasant, sweet relationships, that little star suddenly begins to shine. It is like the perfume of the linden or the falling shadow from the moon. There is no full-blown blossom yet, no clear light and shadow, but there is a joy and fear of the new, of the charming. This is good, but only when it is for the first time and the last. 3) And again I thought about that illusion which all are subjected to, especially people whose activity is reflected on others--the illusion that, having been accustomed to see the effects of your acts on others, you verify the correctness of your acts by their effect on others. 4) I thought still further: For hypnotism it is necessary to have faith in the importance of that which is being suggested (the hypnotism of all artistic delusions). And for this faith, it is necessary to have ignorance and cultivation of credulence. To-day I corrected the preface to Carpenter. Received a telegram from Grot. I want to send off the 10th chapter. A sad letter from Boulanger. Well, _Nov. 18, Y. P._ _If I live._ _To-day, Nov. 20. Evening._ Wrote the preface to Carpenter. Thought much about _Hadji Murad_ and got my materials ready. I still haven’t found the tone. ... I think with horror of the trip to Moscow.[250] Last night I thought about my old triple remedy for sorrow and offence: 1) To think how unimportant it will be in 10, 20 years, just as is unimportant now that which tortured you 10, 20 years ago. 2) To remember what you did yourself, to remember those deeds which were no better than those which are hurting you. 3) To think of that which is a hundred times worse, and might be. This could be added; to think out the condition, the soul of the man who makes you suffer, to understand that he cannot act in any other way. _Tout comprendre c’est tout pardonner._ The most important and the strongest and the surest of all is to say to oneself: Let there not be my will, but Thine, and not as I wish but as Thou wilt; and not that which I wish but that which Thou wilt. My work, then, is under those conditions in which Thou hast placed me, to fulfil Thy Will. To remember that when it is difficult, it is just this very thing which has been assigned to you, it is the very instance which will not be repeated, in which you may have the happiness of doing that which He wishes. Father, help me to do only Thy Will. ... To-day I corrected the Carpenter translation. My stomach is not good; bad mood and weakness.