am—but my Dear Girl—in spite of these Advantages—I have not tasted any Permanent Happiness—My Domesticks leave me, without intending it, I believe—My Recreations have pall’d, in spite of my Philosophy—and Serious Inclinations to continue them without satiety—for they have always been such, as my Reason approved—Friendships, I have had, but they have only been transient ones, owing to the want of congeniality in my associations [and] Feelings, which is requisite to gratify a taste like mine—the World mixed too much, in their Regards of the tenderest sort for me to expect to keep my Hold, if any Matter of Interest intervened, and therefore I have been content, to bear the reproach of fickleness (tho’ a Vice I abhor’d) by relaxing in my attentions, and by that means furnishing them with an excuse to break off a Commerce which had nothing better than Convenience or Love of Dissipation for its Basis.—Marriage I have ever thought, the union of all others, best calculated to promote the Happiness of a Heart like mine—but I despair’d I own to you—of meeting with an object capable of fulfilling her share of it’s Duties, Agreable to my sense of the matter—Address, I’d none—and my fortune I rather thought a snare to me, as I never made a secret of my being indifferent as to that article, if I could but secure the Woman of my choice—her affections I mean Lydia—that is, that preference in them, which every man is entitled to expect, who marries a Woman of principle unattached to any other man, and while he preserves his right to them, by such a portion of kindness and Confidence as assures her, of the same Place in His—This my dear Girl, I have yet my Doubts of—as to you—Your Dissipated tho’ Mortifying Manner of Life—induces me to think, you may have seen the man you could have prefer’d to myself, if you had been at liberty to bestow your hand where you had chose. (I hope Lydia shed tears at this place) Your Embarrassments as to Situation—Your indifferent Prospects, naturally accounted for your wishing to attract any Man, whose Honorable Protection, could insure you a tolerable Establishment in Life—Fortune threw me in your way—I saw your Design and assisted you in it, as I flattered myself, that I distinguished in you a disposition to be grateful for any pecuniary Advantages I could bestow—this was all I expected, it was almost all I wished till I could have time & opportunities to convince you, that I deserved, all that a Woman so circumstanced has to give.—And now my dearest Girl, I will deal very ingenuously with you—I really like you at present, as much as many women would wish to be liked—but my affections are so much controul’d by my Reason—that I believe I could withdraw them without any Material Prejudice to my Peace if you disgusted me by Indifference in your Carriage towards myself, or the least species of Coquettry towards any other Man whatever—for I think myself entitled to Mild obligingness at