* * * * * 5^{th}. writing to Eliza.—& trying _l’Extrait de Saturne_ upon myself.—(a french Nostrum) * * * * * 6^{th}. Dined out for the 1^{st}. time—came home to enjoy a more harmonious evening w^{th}. my Eliza, than I could expect at Soho Concert[25]—every Thing my dear Girl, has lost its former relish to me—& for thee eternally does it quicken! writing to thee over Land all day. * * * * * 7. continue poorly, my dear!—but my blood warms every mom^t. I think of our future Scenes—so must grow strong upon the Idea—what shall I do upon the Reality?—O God!— * * * * * 8^{th}. employ’d in writing to my Dear all day—& in projecting happiness for her—tho in misery myself. O! I have undergone Eliza!—but the worst is over—(I hope)—so adieu to those Evils, & let me haste the happiness to come. * * * * * 9^{th}.—10^{th}.—& 11^{th}.—so unaccountably disorder’d—I cannot say more—but that I w. suffer ten times more & with wishes for my Eliza—adieu bless’d Woman!— * * * * * 12^{th}. O Eliza! That my weary head was now laid upon thy Lap—(tis all that’s left for it)—or that I had thine, reclining upon my bosome, and there resting all its disquietudes;—my Bramine—the world or Yorick must perish, before that foundation shall fail thee!—I continue poorly—but I turn my Eyes Eastward the oftener, & with more earnestness for it——Great God of Mercy! shorten the Space betwixt us,—Shorten the space of our miseries! * * * * * 13^{th}. Could not get the Gen^l. post office to take charge of my Letters to You—so gave thirty shillings to a Merchant to further them to Aleppo & from thence to Bassorah—so you will receive ’em (I hope in god) say by Christmas—Surely ’tis not impossible, but I may be made as happy as my Eliza, by some transcript from her, by that time—If not I shall hope—& hope every week, and every hour of it, for Tidings of Comfort—we taste not of it _now_, my dear Bramine—but we will make full meals upon it hereafter.—Cards from 7 or 8 of our Grandies to dine with them before I leave Town—shall go like a Lamb to the Slaughter—“_Man delights not me—nor Woman_” * * * * * 14. a little better to day—& would look pert, if my heart would but let me—dined w^{th}. L^d. & Lady Bellasis.—so beset w^{th}. Company—not a moment to write. * * * * *