if Self Love does not mislead me, are both much improved and the Qualities of Reflection and tenderness, are no bad substitutes for that clearness of Complection, and Je-ne-scai-quoi Air, which my flatterers used to say entitled me to the Appellation of Belle Indian. I read a great deal, I scribble much—and I daily ride on Horseback, bathe in the Sea—and live most abstemiously—but I cannot manage to acquire confirmed Health in this detested Country; and what is far worse, I cannot induce M^r. Draper, to let me return to England; tho’ He must be sensible, that both my Constitution and Mind, are suffering by the effects of a Warm Climate—I do, and must wonder that He will not,[50] for what good Purpose my Residence Here can promote, I am quite at a loss to imagine, as I am disposed to think favorably of M^r. D’s Generosity and Principles. My dear James, it is Evident to the whole of our Acquaintance, that our Minds are not pair’d, and therefore I will not scruple informing _you_—that I neither do, nor will any more, if I can help it live with Him as a Wife—my reasons for this are cogent; be assured they are;—or I would not have formed the Resolution—I explain them not to the World—tho’ I could do it, and with credit to myself; but for that very cause I will persevere in my silence—as I love not selfish Panegyricks.—How wretched must be that Woman’s Fate, my dear James, who loving Home, and having a Taste for the Acquitments [_sic_], both useful and Agreable, can find nothing congenial in her Partners Sentiments—nothing companionable, nothing engagingly domestic in his Manner, to endear his Presence, nor even any thing of that Great, or respectful sort, which creates Public Praise, and by such means, often lays the Foundation of Esteem, and Complacency at Home?—Sad, Sad State! my James—and Wo! be to the feeling Heart so circumstanced!—a Woman who might have been a Valuable Member of Society, is by such _disunion_ either a Mere Blank—or liable to every Disgrace resulting from Infamy—if finely organized—Grief & Disappointment may render useless all her Mental Faculties—if chearful by nature, and calculated to struggle with trying difficulties, in Hopes of surmounting them, these very excellencies, are so many snares to her, as they excite to Envy, Malice, & Detraction—for who is just enough to acknowledge, that an Amiable, Sensible Woman, has fund sufficient in her own Mind, to be a perpetual Resource to her in all Calamities and Exigencies? On the contrary, who does not Insinuate, that where such a Character is unhappily pair’d & Maintains her Chearfulness, Secret pleasures make her Amends for public Penances—? a thousand Causes will rather be assigned, than the real One; as few People are good enough themselves, for Goodness’s Sake, to imagine that, that Principle should regulate the Conduct of a Woman unhappily married—but surely! surely! they are mistaken—for if that same laudable Affection, will not engage to the Pursuit of every thing praise