From that moment Lazare waited, feeling a terrible pressure upon his
breast, as if an iron band were drawn tightly round him. The day
seemed as though it would never end, and yet it passed away without
any consciousness on his part of how the hours went by. He had no
recollection of how he had spent them, wandering restlessly up and
down the stairs, and gazing out upon the distant sea, the sight of
whose ceaseless rocking dazed him yet more. At certain moments the
irresistible flight of the minutes seemed to be materialised, and to
become the onslaught of a mass of granite driving everything into the
abyss of nothingness. Then he grew exasperated and longed for the end,
in order that he might be released from the strain of that terrible
waiting. About four o'clock, as he was once more creeping up to his own
room, he turned suddenly aside and entered his mother's chamber. He
felt a desire to see her and kiss her once again. But, as he bent over
her, she went on pouring out her incoherent talk, and did not even turn
her cheek towards him in that weary manner with which she had received
him ever since the beginning of her illness. Perhaps she did not see
him, he thought; indeed, it was no longer his mother who lay there with
that livid face and lips already blackened.
'Go away,' Pauline said to him gently. 'Go out for a little while. I
assure you that the hour has not yet come.'
And then, instead of going up to his room, Lazare rushed downstairs and
out of the house, ever with the sight of that woeful face, which he
could no longer recognise, before him. He told himself that his cousin
had lied, that the hour was really at hand; but then he was stifling,
and needed space and air, and so he rushed on like a madman. The
thought that he would never, never again see his mother tortured him
terribly. But he fancied he heard some one running after him, and when
he turned and saw Matthew, who was trying to overtake him at a heavy
run, he flew without cause into a violent passion, and picked up stones
and hurled them at the dog, storming at him the while, to drive him
back to the house. Matthew, amazed at this reception, trotted back some
distance, and then turned and gazed at his master with his gentle eyes,
in which tears seemed to glisten. He persisted in following Lazare from
a distance, as though to keep watch over his despair, and the young
man found it impossible to drive him away. But the immensity of the
sea had an irritating effect upon Lazare, and he fled into the fields
and wandered about them, looking for out-of-the-way corners where he
could feel alone and concealed. He prowled up and down till night fell,
tramping over ploughed land, breaking his way through hedges. At last,
worn out, he was returning homewards, when he beheld a sight which
thrilled him with superstitious terror. At the edge of a lonely road
there stood a lofty poplar, black and solitary, over which the rising
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