But after a time she ceased to make a jest of him, for she felt
much distressed by his disquietude. One morning she surprised him
kissing--seven times in succession--the framework of the bed on which
his mother had died. The sight filled her with alarm, and she began
to guess the torments which embittered his existence. When she saw
him turn pale as he came upon a reference to the twentieth century in
a newspaper, she gave him a compassionate glance which made him turn
his head aside. He recognised that she understood him, and he rushed
off and hid himself in his own room, all shame and confusion. Over
and over again did he upbraid himself as a coward, and swear that
he would resist the influence of this weakness. He would argue with
himself and bring himself to look death in the face, and then in a
spirit of bravado, instead of passing the night awake on his couch,
he would quickly undress and jump into bed. Death, he would then say
to himself, might come and would be welcome; he would await it there
as deliverance. But immediately the throbbing of his heart drove all
his oaths away, an icy breath seemed to freeze his bones, and he
frantically stretched out his hands as he broke into a despairing cry
of 'O God! God!' It was these terrible backslidings which filled him
with shame and despair. His cousin's tender pity, too, only served to
overwhelm him. The days grew so heavy that as he saw them begin he
scarcely dared to hope that they would ever end. In this gradual decay
of his vitality, his cheerfulness had been the first to depart, and now
physical strength seemed to be failing him in its turn.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account