That evening, when Pauline had locked herself in her room and placed
her candlestick on the chest of drawers, she threw herself upon her
bed, repeating that she must get Louise and Lazare married. All day
long a buzzing sensation had made her head throb and prevented her
from thinking clearly; and it was only now, in the quiet night-time,
when she was able to suffer without witnesses of her trouble, that the
inevitable consequence of what had happened presented itself clearly
to her mind. It was absolutely necessary that Lazare and Louise should
marry. The thought rang through her like an order, like the voice of
reason and justice, to which she could no longer turn a deaf ear. For
a moment she, who was so courageous, gave way to terror, fancying she
heard her dead aunt calling out to her to obey. Then, all dressed as
she was, she turned over and covered herself with the bed-clothes to
drown the sound of her sobs. Oh! to have to surrender him to another!
To know that another's arms would be clasped round him and would keep
him from her for ever! To lose all hope of ever winning him back!
No! she could never have enough courage for it; she would prefer to
continue leading her present life of wretchedness. No one at all should
have him, neither herself nor that other girl; and Lazare should grow
old and withered with waiting! For a long time she lay struggling with
herself, racked by jealous fury. Her impetuous temperament, which
neither years nor reflection had been able to subdue, always asserted
itself at the first moment of a difficulty. Then, however, she became
prostrate, physically exhausted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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