Lazare was beginning to get a little tired. Children, even his own,
quickly bored him. As he looked at his boy, so merry and now out of
danger, the thought flashed through his mind that this little creature
would outlive him and would doubtless close his eyes for the last time,
an idea which made him shudder with agony. Since he had come to the
determination to continue vegetating at Bonneville, he was constantly
occupied with the thought that he would die in the room where his
mother had died; and he never went up the stairs without telling
himself that one day his coffin would pass that way. The entrance to
the passage was very narrow, and there was an awkward turning, which
was a perpetual source of disquietude to him, and he worried himself
with wondering how the bearers would be able to carry him out without
jolting him. As increasing age day by day shortened his span of
life, that constant dwelling upon the thought of death hastened his
breaking-up, annihilated his last shreds of manliness. He was 'quite
done for,' as he often told himself; he was of no further use at all,
and he would ask himself what was the good of bestirring himself, as he
fell deeper and deeper into the slough of boredom.
'Just once more to grandfather!' cried Pauline.
Chanteau was not able to stretch out his arms to receive and support
his grandson, and, though he set his knees apart, the clutching of the
child's puny fingers at his trousers drew sighs of pain from him. The
little one was already used to the old man's ceaseless moaning, and
probably imagined, in his scarcely awakened mind, that all grandfathers
suffered in the same way. That day, however, in the bright sunshine,
as he came and fell against him, he raised his little face, checked
his laugh, and gazed at the old man with his vacillating eyes. The
grandfather's deformed hands looked like hideous blocks of mingled
flesh and chalk; his face, dented with red wrinkles, disfigured by
suffering, seemed to have been violently twisted towards his right
shoulder; while his whole body was covered with bumps and crevices,
as if it were that of some old stone saint, damaged and badly pieced
together. Paul appeared quite surprised to see him looking so ill and
so old in the sunshine.
'Just once more! Just once more!' cried Pauline again.
She, full of health and cheerfulness, kept sending the little lad to
and fro between the two men, from the grandfather, who obstinately
lived on in hopeless suffering, to the father, who was already
undermined by terror of the hereafter.
'Perhaps his generation will be a less foolish one than this,' she
suddenly exclaimed. 'He won't accuse chemistry of spoiling his life; he
will believe that it is still possible to live, even with the certainty
of having some day to die.'
Lazare smiled in an embarrassed way.
'Bah!' he muttered, 'he will have the gout like my father, and his
nerves will be worse strung than mine. Just see how weak he is! It is
the law of degeneration.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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