Scotland -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
But she did not hear him. The news, though it had roused that high pitch
of trembling apprehension which it now knew at any mention of the sequel
of love, had not shocked her. In order to feel that quick reaction of
physical loathing to the story of an irregular relationship before
hearing its details, which is known as being shocked, one must be either
not quite innocent and have ugly associations with sex, or have had
reason to conceive woman's life as a market where there are few buyers,
and a woman who is willing to live with a lover outside marriage as a
merchant who undersells her competitors; and Ellen was innocent and
undefeated. It seemed to her, indeed, just such a story as she might
have expected to hear about his birth. It was natural that to find so
wonderful a child one would have to go to the end of the earth. There
appeared before her mind's eye a very bright and clean picture, perhaps
the frontispiece of some forgotten book read in her childhood, which
represented a peasant girl clambering on to a ledge half-way up a cliff
and holding back a thorny branch to look down on a baby that, clad in a
little shirt, lay crowing and kicking in a huge bird's nest. She
wondered what manner of woman it was that had so recklessly gone forth
and found this world's wonder. "What is your mother like? Tell me, what
is she like?"
"What is she like?" he repeated stiffly. He was not quite sure that she
was asking in the right spirit, that she was not moved by such curiosity
as makes people study the photographs of murdered people in the Sunday
papers. "She is very beautiful...." But he should not have said that.
Now when he brought Ellen to Marion he would hear her say to herself, as
tourists do when they see a Leonardo da Vinci, "Well, that's not my idea
of beauty, I must say!" and he would stop loving her. But Ellen was
saying, "I thought she would be. You know, Richard, you are quite
uncommon-looking. But tell me, what is she like?" Of course he might
have known she was trying to get at the story. He had better tell her at
once, so that he was not vexed by these anglings. He dragged it out of
himself. "She was young, very young. My father was the squire of the
Essex village that is our home...." It was useless. He could not tell
her of that tragedy. How black a tragedy it was! How, it existing, he
could be so crass as to eat and drink and be merry with love? He turned
his face away from Ellen and wished her arm was not in his, yet felt
himself bound to go on with his story lest she might make a vulgar
reading of the facts and imagine that his mother had given herself to
his father without being married for sheer easiness. "They could not
marry because he had a wife. They loved each other very much. At least,
on her side it was love! On his ... on _his_...."
"Ah, hush!" she said. She gripped his arm and he felt that she was
trembling violently. "Dear, the way you're speaking of it ... somehow
it's making it happen all over again...."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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