Scotland -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
And it was all to no purpose. For nothing seemed more likely than that
Ellen should look up at him fixedly and fully assume that expression of
wisdom which sometimes intruded into the youth in her eyes; that she
should say in a new deep voice, "You are not good enough for me." And of
course it would be true, it would be true. Then she would walk on and
turn the corner to her home, and he would be left alone among these
desolate tall houses, eternally hungry. He could imagine how she would
look as she turned the corner, the forward slant of her body, the upward
tilt of her head, the awful irrevocable quality of her movements, the
ghostlike glamour the moonlight would lay on her as if to warn him that
she was as separate from him as though she were dead. He would not be
able to pursue her, for there was something about her which would
prevent him from ever trying on her those ordinary compulsions which men
are accustomed to apply to women; quiet, menacing devotion, or
persistent roaring importunities, or those forcible embraces, of which
he thought with the disgust he now felt for the sexual processes of
everybody in the world except himself and Ellen, which induce the body
to betray the reluctant mind. Because he loved her he was obliged, in
spite of himself, to acknowledge the sacredness of her will, even though
that acknowledgement might frustrate every hope of his love. He greatly
disliked that obligation.
She was abstractedly murmuring defensive things about the Scotch. "And
Scotland is such a lovely place. Even round here. Dalmeny. Cramond Brig.
Hawthornden. And oh, the Pentlands! Have you not been to the Pentlands
yet? Oh, but they're the grandest place in the world. There are lochs
hidden behind the range the way you'd never think. And waterfalls. The
water comes down red with the peat. And miles and miles of heather."
"Take me there, Ellen."
"Would you like to come? Let's go next Saturday. I've got the whole day
off. Mr. James said it was my due, what with the overtime I've been
doing. It'll be lovely. I've had nobody to go with since Rachael Wing
went to London. But would you truly care to come? It's just moors.
You'll not turn up your nose at it?"
"Anywhere I went with you I'd like."
She started and began to walk on. It was as if the sheet of tissue had
grown too heavy for her young hand and she had dropped it. Although he
went on talking about how much he liked Scotland, and how intelligent he
found the workmen at the cordite factory at Broxburn, she hardly
answered, but moved her head from side to side like a horse galled by
its collar. Had he thought her a bold girl, fixing up a walk with him so
eagerly? And ought he to have called her by her Christian name? Of
course he was so much older that perhaps he felt that he had a right to
do it. When they passed through the arch into Hume Park Square she saw a
light in the dining-room window and said, "Mother's home before us."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account