But he could not stand it long; and getting Vaughan to say he might
go back, he beckoned me down into our boat. As we lay back in the
stern-sheets and the men gave way, he said to me: “Youngster, let that
show you what it is to be without a family, without a home, and without
a country. And if you are ever tempted to say a word or to do a thing
that shall put a bar between you and your family, your home, and your
country, pray God in His mercy to take you that instant home to His own
heaven. Stick by your family, boy; forget you have a self, while you do
everything for them. Think of your home, boy; write and send, and talk
about it. Let it be nearer and nearer to your thought, the farther you
have to travel from it; and rush back to it, when you are free, as that
poor black slave is doing now. And for your country, boy,” and the words
rattled in his throat, “and for that flag,” and he pointed to the ship,
“never dream a dream but of serving her as she bids you, though the
service carry you through a thousand hells. No matter what happens to
you, no matter who flatters you or who abuses you, never look at another
flag, never let a night pass but you pray God to bless that flag.
Remember, boy, that behind all these men you have to do with, behind
officers, and government, and people even, there is the Country Herself,
your Country, and that you belong to Her as you belong to your own
mother. Stand by Her, boy, as you would stand by your mother, if those
devils there had got hold of her to-day!”
I was frightened to death by his calm, hard passion; but I blundered
out, that I would, by all that was holy, and that I had never thought of
doing anything else. He hardly seemed to hear me; but he did, almost in a
whisper, say: “O, if anybody had said so to me when I was of your age!”
I think it was this half-confidence of his, which I never abused, for I
never told this story till now, which afterward made us great friends. He
was very kind to me. Often he sat up, or even got up, at night, to walk
the deck with me, when it was my watch. He explained to me a great deal
of my mathematics, and I owe to him my taste for mathematics. He lent
me books, and helped me about my reading. He never alluded so directly
to his story again; but from one and another officer I have learned, in
thirty years, what I am telling. When we parted from him in St. Thomas
harbor, at the end of our cruise, I was more sorry than I can tell. I was
very glad to meet him again in 1830; and later in life, when I thought I
had some influence in Washington, I moved heaven and earth to have him
discharged. But it was like getting a ghost out of prison. They pretended
there was no such man, and never was such a man. They will say so at the
Department now! Perhaps they do not know. It will not be the first thing
in the service of which the Department appears to know nothing!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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