"How sweet of you, Allegro!" The dark eyes opened wider; they seemed to
be watching something very intently, something that Olga could not see.
"I suppose you thought I was asleep," she said.
"Yes, dear."
"I wasn't," said Violet. "I was just--away."
Olga was silent. The clasp of her hand was very close.
"My dear," Violet said, "I've been there again."
"Where, dearest?"
"I've been right up to the Gate of Heaven," she said. "It's very lovely
up there, Allegro. I wanted to stay."
"Did you, dear?"
"Yes. I didn't mean to come back again. I didn't want to come back." A
sudden spasm contracted her brows. "What happened before I went,
Allegro? I'm sure something happened."
Very tenderly Olga sought to reassure her. "You were ill, dear. You were
upset. But you are better now. Don't let us think about it."
"Ah! I remember!" Violet raised herself abruptly. Her eyes shone wide
with terror in the failing light. "Allegro!" she said. "I--killed him!"
"No, no, dear!" Olga's hand tenderly pressed her down again. "He is
only--a little--hurt. You didn't know what you were doing."
But recollection was dawning in the seething brain. One memory after
another pierced through the turmoil. "I had to do it!" she whispered.
"He is so cruel. He keeps me back. He holds the door when I want to get
away. Allegro, why won't he let me go? I'm nothing to him. He doesn't
love me. He doesn't--even--hate me." A great shudder ran through her.
She fell back upon the pillow as though her strength were gone. "Oh, why
won't he open the door and let me go?" She moaned piteously. "Why does
he keep bringing me back? I know I shall kill him. I shall be driven to
it. And it's such a horrible thing to do--that dreadful soft feeling
under the knife, and the blood--the blood--oh, Allegro!"
She tried to raise herself again, and was caught into Olga's arms. She
turned her face into her neck and shuddered.
"I'm not mad now," she whispered. "Really I'm not mad now! But I soon
shall be. I can feel it coming back. My brain is like--a fiery wheel.
Oh, don't let it come again, Allegro! Help me--help me to get
away--before it comes again!"
Olga strained her to her heart, saying no word.
"They'll shut me up," the broken whisper continued. "I shall never find
my soul again. I shan't even have you, and there's no one else I love.
All the rest are strangers. Only he will come and look at me with his
cruel, cold green eyes, and I shall kill him--I know I shall kill
him--unless they bind me hand and foot. Allegro! Allegro!" She was
shivering violently now. "Perhaps they will do that. It's happened
before, hasn't it? 'Bound hand and foot and cast into outer darkness.'
That's hell, isn't it? Oh, Olga, shall I be sent to hell if I kill him?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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