The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"The other day, when he brought us our Chartreuse after dinner, the
Infant said: 'Ah! I suppose you haven't got Damtidam in stock?' The
only Jones stared awestruck. 'Of course not! How can it possibly have
penetrated to these parts yet?' I struck in with supercilious
reproach. 'Damtidam! What is that, sir?' faltered Jones. 'What! you
don't mean to say you haven't even heard of it?' cried the Infant in
amaze. Jones looked miserable and apologetic. 'It's the latest
liqueur,' I explained graciously. 'Awfully expensive; made by a new
brotherhood of Anchorites in Dalmatia, who have secluded themselves
from the world in order to concoct it. They only serve the
aristocracy; but, of course, now and then a millionaire manages to get
hold of a bottle. Lord Everett made me a present of some a couple of
months ago, but I use it very, very sparingly, and I daresay the
flask's at least half-full. I have it in my portmanteau.' 'How does it
taste, sir?' enquired Jones, in a hushed, solemn whisper. 'Damtidam is
not the sort of thing that would please the uncultured palate,' I
replied haughtily. 'It's what they call an acquired taste, ain't it,
sir?' he asked wistfully. 'Would you like to have a drop?' I said
affably. 'Oh, Towers!' cried the Infant, 'what would Lord Everett
say?' 'Well, but how is Lord Everett to know?' I responded. 'Jones
will never let on.' 'His lordship shall never hear a word from my
lips,' Jones protested gratefully. 'But you won't like it at first. To
really enjoy Damtidam, you'll have to have several goes at it. Have
you got a little phial?' Jones ran and fetched the phial, and I fished
out of my portmanteau the bottle of dyspepsia mixture you gave us and
filled Jones's phial. I watched him glide into the garden and put the
phial to his lips with a heavenly expression, through which some
suggestions of purgatory subsequently flitted. That was yesterday.
"'Well, Jones, how do you like Damtidam?' I enquired genially this
morning. 'Very 'igh-class, very 'igh-class in its taste, thank you,
sir,' he replied. 'It's 'ardly for the likes o' me, I'm afraid; but as
you've been good enough to give me some, I'll make so bold as to enjoy
it. I 'ad a second sip at it this morning, and I liked it a deal
better than yesterday. It requires time to get the taste, sir; but,
depend upon it, I'll do my best to acquire it.' 'I wish you success!'
I cried. 'Once you get used to it, it's simply delicious. Why, I'd
never travel without a bottle of it. I often take it in the middle of
the night. You finish that phial, Jones; never mind the cost. I'm
writing to Lord Everett to-day, and I'll drop him a broad hint that I
should like another.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account