The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
I gazed speechless at this wonder-child, pushing the golden locks
back from his feverish baby-brow, as if to assure myself by touching
him that he was not a phantom.
"Ah, well!" he finished, "it doesn't matter. I have had my day, and
mustn't grumble. I scarcely thought, when I witnessed the dissolution
of the third Gladstone Government, that I should have lived to see him
Premier a fourth time. Three doctors told me I was breaking up fast."
I began to be frightened of this extraordinary infant, divining some
wizardry behind the candid little face--some latter-day mystery of
re-incarnation, esoteric Buddhism, what-not. The child perceived my
perturbation.
"You are thinking I have packed a good deal into my short life," he
said, with an amused smile. "And yet some men will make a Gladstone
bag hold as much as a portmanteau. Gladstone has done so; and why not
I, in my humble degree?"
"True," I answered; "but you cannot begin to pack before you are
born."
"You are entirely mistaken," replied the baby, "if you think I have
done anything so precocious as that."
"Then you must have lived an odd life," I said, puzzled.
"You have hit it!" exclaimed the child, with a suspicion of eagerness,
not unmingled with surprise. "I did not mean to tell anyone; but since
you are a man of science and I am on the point of death, you may as
well know you have guessed the truth."
"Have I?" I said, more bewildered than ever.
"Yes. In all these years no one has suspected it. It has been
carefully kept from outsiders. But now it would, perhaps, be childish
folly to be reticent about it. It is the truth--the plain, literal
truth--I have lived an odd life."
"How did it begin?" I asked, scarce knowing what I said or what I
meant.
"You shall know all," said Willy. "I must begin before I was
born--before I could begin packing, as you put it."
His breath came and went painfully. Overwrought with curiosity as I
was, I experienced a pang of compunction.
"No, no; never mind," I said; "you have not the strength to speak
much--you must not waste what you have."
"It can only cost me a few minutes of life--I can spare the time," he
answered, almost peevishly.
Now that he had been strung up to speaking point, he seemed to resent
my diminished interest.
I put the glass of barley and water to his lips, and forced him to
moisten his throat.
"I can spare the time," he repeated, while an air of grim satisfaction
came over the tiny features. "I have stolen plenty--I have outwitted
the arch-thief himself. I have survived my own death."
"What!" I gasped. "Have you already died?"
"No, no," he replied fretfully; "I am only just going to die. That is
how I have survived my death. How dull you are!"
"You were going to begin at the beginning," I murmured feebly.
"No! What is the use of beginning at the beginning?" this _enfant
terrible_ enquired, in the same peevish tones. "I was going to begin
before the beginning."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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