The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"You shall hear. The learned pig is Dr. Johnson. He refused to take
wine with me. I afterwards learnt that he had given up strong liqueurs
altogether, and I went to see him again, but he received me with
epigrams. He is the pivot of my book, all the other characters
revolving about him. Naturally, I did not care to publish during his
lifetime; not entirely, I admit, out of consideration to his feelings,
but because foolish admirers had placed him on such a pedestal that he
could damn any book he did not relish. I made sure of surviving him,
so many and diverse were his distempers; whereas my manuscript
survived me. In the moment of death I strove to tell your grandfather
of the hiding-place in which I had bestowed it; but I could only make
signs to which he had not the clue. You can imagine how it has
embittered my spirit to have missed the aim of my life and my due
niche in the pantheon of letters. In vain I strove to be registered
among the 'hidden treasure' spirits, with the perambulatory privileges
pertaining to the class. I was told that to recognise manuscripts
under the head of 'treasures' would be to open a fresh door to abuse,
there being few but had scribbled in their time and had a good conceit
of their compositions to boot. I could offer no proofs of the value of
my work, not even printers' proofs, and even the fact that the
manuscript was concealed behind a sliding panel availed not to bring
it into the coveted category. Moreover, not only did I have no other
pretext to call on my descendants, but both my son and grandson were
too respectable to be willingly connected with letters and too
flourishing to be enticed by the prospects of profit. To you, however,
this book will prove the avenue to fresh fortune."
"Do you mean I am to publish it under your name?"
"No, under yours."
"But, then, where does the satisfaction come in?"
"Your name is the same as mine."
"I see; but still, why not tell the truth about it? In a preface, for
instance."
"Who would believe it? In my own day I could not credit that
Macpherson spoke truly about the way Ossian came into his possession,
nor to judge from gossip I have had with the younger ghosts did anyone
attach credence to Sir Walter Scott's introductions."
"True," I said musingly. "It is a played-out dodge. But I am not
certain whether an attack on Dr. Johnson would go down nowadays. We
are aware that the man had porcine traits, but we have almost
canonised him."
"The very reason why the book will be a success," he replied eagerly.
"I understand that in these days of yours the best way of attracting
attention is to fly in the face of all received opinion, and so in the
realm of history to whitewash the villains and tar and feather the
saints. The sliding panel of which I spoke is just behind the picture
of me. Lose no time. Go at once, even as I must."
The shadowy contours of his form waved agitatedly in the wind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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