The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
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The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"What are you about to do?" cried Grobstock apprehensively.
"You shall see," said Manasseh resolutely, and when the attendant
came, he pressed the price of his cup of coffee into his hand.
Grobstock flushed in silent humiliation. Manasseh rose.
Grobstock's fatal strain of weakness gave him a twinge of compunction
at the eleventh hour.
"You see for yourself how unreasonable your request was," he murmured.
"Do not strive to justify yourself, I am done with you," said
Manasseh. "I am done with you as a philanthropist. For the future you
may besnuff and bespatter your coat as much as you please, for all the
trouble I shall ever take. As a financier, I still respect you, and
may yet come to you, but as a philanthropist, never."
"Anything I can do--" muttered Grobstock vaguely.
"Let me see!" said Manasseh, looking down upon him thoughtfully. "Ah,
yes, an idea! I have collected over sixty pounds. If you would invest
this for me--"
"Certainly, certainly," interrupted Grobstock, with conciliatory
eagerness.
"Good! With your unrivalled knowledge of the markets, you could easily
bring it up to the necessary sum in a day or two. Perhaps even there
is some grand _coup_ on the _tapis_, something to be bulled or beared
in which you have a hand."
Grobstock nodded his head vaguely. He had already remembered that the
proceeding was considerably below his dignity; he was not a
stockbroker, never had he done anything of the kind for anyone.
"But suppose I lose it all?" he asked, trying to draw back.
"Impossible," said the _Schnorrer_ serenely. "Do you forget it is a
Synagogue fund? Do you think the Almighty will suffer His money to be
lost?"
"Then why not speculate yourself?" said Grobstock craftily.
"The Almighty's honour must be guarded. What! Shall He be less well
served than an earthly monarch? Do you think I do not know your
financial relations with the Court? The service of the Almighty
demands the best men. I was the best man to collect the money--you are
the best to invest it. To-morrow morning it shall be in your hands."
"No, don't trouble," said Grobstock feebly. "I don't need the actual
money to deal with."
"I thank you for your trust in me," replied Manasseh with emotion.
"Now you speak like yourself again. I withdraw what I said to you. I
_will_ come to you again--to the philanthropist no less than
financier. And--and I am sorry I paid for my coffee." His voice
quivered.
Grobstock was touched. He took out a sixpence and repaid his guest
with interest. Manasseh slipped the coin into his pocket, and shortly
afterwards, with some final admonitions to his stock-jobber, took his
leave.
Being in for the job, Grobstock resolved to make the best of it. His
latent vanity impelled him to astonish the Beggar. It happened that he
_was_ on the point of a magnificent manoeuvre, and alongside his own
triton Manasseh's minnow might just as well swim. He made the sixty
odd pounds into six hundred.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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