"The Duke wanted me to go to Windsor, or to Sandringham, to be out of
the way of possible trouble. I said I'd come here. I told him, that
it seemed to me, that if there was one man, in the whole country, who
would be justified in striking, in leaving his work, I was that man.
I told him that I'd go on strike too. Coming here was my way of going
on strike. I thought that I was asserting myself. I thought that I
was showing that I was a man. All the time I was simply playing into
the Duke's hands, of course. The Duke would be quite content that I
should come here, I think. He knows that I can't get into any mischief
here. He has seen to that! Uncle Bond tells me that there are half a
dozen plain clothes men in the kitchen. Did you know that? A battalion
of the Guards is to put a picket line round the house, too. At first
I--resented the Duke's arrangements. Now, somehow, I don't seem to
care--
"So much has happened in the last twenty-four hours, I have been
through so much, I don't seem to have any will, any feeling, any
personality left. My own thoughts, my own words, my own actions seem
to me, now--like the disjointed pieces of a jig-saw puzzle, which
I shall never be able to put together again. I don't know--where I
am. I don't know--where I stand. I am all at sea. The bottom seems,
suddenly, to have dropped out of everything. I have been humoured,
managed, controlled, all through. I can see that. Now, I am--just like
a derelict ship. The rudder has gone. The charts are lost. I am being
driven, this way and that, at the mercy of--everybody's will, but my
own--
"Somehow, you are my only hope. Somehow, I feel that you will
understand me--better than I understand myself. I suppose that that
means that I love you. You know that. And I know that you love me.
There can be no doubt about that, after last night. And yet, somehow,
even that doesn't excite me now. It doesn't seem to mean--what I
suppose it ought to mean--to me. Why doesn't it mean--more to me? I
am trying to tell you the truth, so far as I can see it. I am sick of
mystery. I am utterly weary of deceit. It seems to me, that--our only
hope is--plain speaking--"
All this time, Judith had remained motionless, and quiescent, in her
chair. She turned, now, a little towards the King. Her expression was
grave, but friendly.
"I want you to sit down, Alfred," she said quietly. "Find another
chair, and bring it out here. When you sit down, I will talk to you. I
want to talk to you."
The King swung round into the summer house, and brought out another
chair. Placing it beside Judith's, he sat down. Then he fixed his eyes
upon her face.
"I am glad that you have said, what you have said, Alfred," Judith
began. "I have wanted you to give me your confidence, the whole of
your confidence, for so long. I have always understood, I think, why
you have been silent--about so many things. But I wanted you--to trust
me. Now--you have trusted me--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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