"I know it--I feel it, dear, kind young lady," replied Alizon, with the
colour again mounting her cheeks. "I have no tie in the world except my
family. But I am persuaded my mother will never allow me to quit her,
however great the advantage might be to me."
"Well, though sorry, I am scarcely surprised at it," said Dorothy. "She
must love you too dearly to part with you."
"I wish I could think so," sighed Alizon. "Proud of me in some sort,
though with little reason, she may be, but love me, most assuredly, she
does not. Nay more, I am persuaded she would be glad to be freed from my
presence, which is an evident restraint and annoyance to her, were it
not for some motive stronger than natural affection that binds her to
me."
"Now, in good sooth, you amaze me, Alizon!" cried Dorothy. "What
possible motive can it be, if not of affection?"
"Of interest, I think," replied Alizon. "I speak to you without reserve,
dear young lady, for the sympathy you have shown me deserves and
demands confidence on my part, and there are none with whom I can freely
converse, so that every emotion has been locked up in my own bosom. My
mother fancies I shall one day be of use to her, and therefore keeps me
with her. Hints to this effect she has thrown out, when indulging in the
uncontrollable fits of passion to which she is liable. And yet I have no
just reason to complain; for though she has shown me little maternal
tenderness, and repelled all exhibition of affection on my part, she has
treated me very differently from her other children, and with much
greater consideration. I can make slight boast of education, but the
best the village could afford has been given me; and I have derived much
religious culture from good Doctor Ormerod. The kind ladies of the
vicarage proposed, as you have done, that I should live with them, but
my mother forbade it; enjoining me, on the peril of incurring her
displeasure, not to leave her, and reminding me of all the benefits I
have received from her, and of the necessity of making an adequate
return. And, ungrateful indeed I should be, if I did not comply; for,
though her manner is harsh and cold to me, she has never ill-used me, as
she has done her favourite child, my little sister Jennet, but has
always allowed me a separate chamber, where I can retire when I please,
to read, or meditate, or pray. For, alas! dear young lady, I dare not
pray before my mother. Be not shocked at what I tell you, but I cannot
hide it. My poor mother denies herself the consolation of
religion--never addresses herself to Heaven in prayer--never opens the
book of Life and Truth--never enters church. In her own mistaken way she
has brought up poor little Jennet, who has been taught to make a scoff
at religious truths and ordinances, and has never been suffered to keep
holy the Sabbath-day. Happy and thankful am I, that no such evil lessons
have been taught me, but rather, that I have profited by the sad
example.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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