But, oh,--it was fine to be out in the cold! The wind blew a gale, but the Devil grew bold, And thus on the mountain height he planned: "I'll make of Alaska the home of the damned! A different place from the old-fashioned hell, Where each soul burns in a brimstone cell. I'll use every means a wise Devil need To make a good hell. You bet I'll succeed!" First he filled the air with millions of gnats. Then he spread the Yukon all over the Flats, Set a line of volcanos from Unimak Pass, And covered the soil with tundra grass. He made six months' night--when 'twas sixty below, A howling wind and a pelting snow! And six months' day--with a spell now and then Too hot for the Devil and all of his men! Brought hungry wolves and dogs by the pack Whose yells send chills right down your back, And as you "mush" o'er the bleak expanse The North Wind blows holes in your pants! But of all the pests the imp could devise The Yukon mosquitoes bear off the prize. They've a rattler's bite, a scorpion's sting, And they measure six inches from wing to wing! The Devil said when he fashioned these: "One of 'em is worse than a thousand fleas!" Then, over the mountain and rolling plain Where the dew falls soft and there's plenty of rain He grew flowers and berries. 'Twas just a bluff! The Devil knows how to peddle his stuff! And to prove how well he knew the game He next proceeded to salt his claim. He put gold nuggets in all the streams To lure men on in dreams! In dreams! He hid them deep in the glacial ice, As a glittering city hides its vice! Then he bade Dame Rumor spread the news Throughout all the world to its motley crews That there was gold in piles and piles, Of every color and in all styles! Then he grinned a grim, sardonic grin, And said: "Now watch the fools rush in! They'll fight for gold. They'll steal and slay! But in the end _I'm_ the one they'll pay!" 'Tis a fine hell this that the Devil owns! Its trails are marked with frozen bones; The wild winds moan over bleak chaparral; 'Tis a hell of a place he chose for his hell! And now you know, should anyone ask you, What kind of a place is our Alaska!