A small yellow envelope was thrust beneath the portal, the woman's
footsteps receded down the stairs. Inside his room stood O'Byrn with his
splitting head between shaking hands, his bloodshot eyes closing in
sheer physical misery. The meagre form in the flamboyant pajamas winced
perceptibly as stabs of cruel pain continued to pierce Micky's temples.
The freckled face went gray as the overwrought stomach writhed in
sickening nausea.
It was with a long, shuddering sigh that he turned at last to his
ablutions. He dressed mechanically, his memory groping through the mists
of the preceding night, mists that reeked with misery, with shameful
groveling, with manhood profaned.
Ah, God! he had fallen again, again! Numbly he glanced at the mirror.
The glass reflected heavy, unnatural eyes in which despair brooded like
a cloud, a haggard face from which the freckles stared strangely forth
from unaccustomed pallor. Slowly, painfully, his mind wrestled with the
problem of the night before, a night unreal, peopled with phantoms that
gibbered and peered from enshrouding blackness.
Dominated by another's master will, had he indeed emerged through
shadows to victory, or was the episode in the Courier office merely a
grateful, fleeting dream to accentuate the misery of waking? O'Byrn
looked at his watch, it marked the hour of two. He had slept long, it
seemed. How had he reached home, had he been in the Courier office at
all the previous night?
However, what mattered it? What mattered anything in the shadow of this
appalling thing which mastered him, which dogged him in times of fancied
security, only to spring upon him unaware and rend him, leaving him
sorely wounded again to painfully traverse for a season the path of
duty? What mattered anything to one whose stumbling steps laid hold on
hell?
Seizing hat and coat O'Byrn started for the door. His downcast gaze fell
upon the yellow envelope. Absently he stooped and dropped the message,
unopened, into his coat pocket. The landlady met him at the foot of the
stairs and inquired kindly if he would eat something. He replied only
with a gesture of utter repugnance. She looked after him as he went out,
shaking her head sadly.
O'Byrn stumbled blindly out upon the street, blurred eyes blinking in
dazzling sunshine of an ideal Indian summer afternoon. The warm,
fragrant air was incense to the nostrils, the sky was of a heavenly
blue. Micky closed miserable eyes to the glories of the day. The
villainous old feelings, so well remembered, racked him cruelly. The odd
depression which always followed his indulgence was bad enough, but
now--
A dumb terror seized him. He hurried up the quiet street toward a busier
thoroughfare, his ears strained for the cries of newsboys, even as the
spirit within him grew sick for fear of disappointment.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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