Whatever might come or go he could do nothing. He was powerless to
climb that rope. The excitement which had sustained him at fever pitch
for many days was now gone finally. He could no longer hope, not only
to save his friends from financial ruin and realise a handsome
fortune, but he could no longer hope to do more than drag on the most
miserable of existences hour by hour, under conditions the meanest
pauper would refuse to accept.
Here was he doomed to death, as surely as the condemned man in the
condemned cell is doomed to death. In a certain number of days, in a
certain number of hours, he must die, as inevitably as the sun must
rise and set upon the broad, fair world above him.
He had hoped greatly, and laboured greatly, and lost all--all--all.
He put his hand in his pocket and felt his knife.
Would it not be best to die while he had the companionship of the
light, the companionship of the spectacle of the dead? To all intents
and purposes he was as dead as though he had been blown from the
muzzle of a gun. Morally, there could be no harm in his anticipating
by a few hours, a few days of dreary pain, the fate which was
inevitably before him. Morally, he did not shrink from the knife. But
in him was strong the brute instinct, the love of life for life's
sake, for the infinite potentialities of hope that lie hidden in the
last ragged remnant of existence.
It would, perhaps, be better after all to wait until the lantern burnt
out, and he was alone with silence and the dead. Then he should
possibly go mad, and it was incredible that the insane could suffer so
acutely as he was suffering now. Supposing, then, some fine delirium
seized him, and he fancied himself to be Pluto, and that this realm of
darkness was his natural element, his habitual haunt; that hunger and
thirst were the inevitable accessories of his gloomy rule, and that
the dignity of his position was heightened by the fare which Charon
had just ferried across the Styx, and now lay there before him!
Here the lantern went out.
Fool! Fool! Madman! What had he been thinking about? Two things, only
two, had been left to him--life and light. Now the latter had been
taken away from him for ever.
For ever! What an awful phrase! Here was he, who had no more than
touched manhood, thrust downward by a malignant chance into a vile
dark dungeon to die.
Here was he, who ought to be in the full plenitude of his youthful
strength, unable to master the brief space hanging there in the
darkness above him, between the invisible floor and the imperceptible
roof.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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