If in the heat and hurry of that morning, he had been asked to clamber
up a rope three times the length of that now hanging above his head,
he could have done so with perfect ease. But since he had left the
tower that morning the shears of fate had been busy with his hair, and
it was now almost as difficult for him to stand unsupported as it
would then have been for him to put his back against the wall and
shake down the solid foundations of the tower.
And yet, what a paltry thing it was to die because he lacked the brute
force to urge, himself upwards twelve feet along that rope. It seemed
incredible that one so exquisitely formed, so superbly endowed with
intelligence and the mastery of all forces that exert themselves on
earth, should here lie prone, helpless, before a difficulty which half
the brute creation would have regarded as no difficulty at all.
It was all over with him. When it was all over with him how would it
be with others who had depended upon him?
He had promised Mr. O'Donnell a vast sum of money to meet the demands
of the bank. Now he could not even lay his body before that troubled
man in assurance that he had done his best.
He had promised to protect Kempston from ruin. Now he was powerless
even to go and explain to Kempston the reason of his failure.
To go! All the bitterness of his present situation was wrought up in
that one phrase--To go! He could now go nowhere until he went forth
for ever.
Then the thought of Dora came upon him. Dora, the sweetest, the
simplest, the truest, the most confiding sweetheart man ever had. He
did not pity her for losing him. He pitied her for losing the lover
rather than the man. He knew that all her soul was centred in him,
that she waited eagerly for his coming, and grieved when he left; that
she lived in one only hope--namely, that some day, and soon, she
should leave the solitude of her present ways and come and be with him
for ever, to soothe him with her gentle ministerings and cheer him
with her anxious hopes.
He thought of how she would leave her hand trustingly in his, lean her
head trustingly on his bosom, take all he said to her as revealed
truth, and, in token of gratitude for his love, hold up her sweet lips
for his kisses.
He thought of how he in the fickle wavering of his nature had been
carried away from her beauty, which was the beauty, the dark beauty of
his own folk purified and chastened by a less ardent sun, to the rich,
ripe, northern beauty of sunnier hue, although remoter from the sun.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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