He did not disdain even a visit to that sacred apartment in which the
priests of the festival prepare their offerings. On entering the
kitchen, his ears were agreeably stunned by the noise of dishes and
pans, of oaths and commands. Small as this indispensable chamber seems
to have been in all the houses of Pompeii, it was, nevertheless, usually
fitted up with all that amazing variety of stoves and shapes, stew-pans
and saucepans, cutters and moulds, without which a cook of spirit, no
matter whether he be an ancient or a modern, declares it utterly
impossible that he can give you anything to eat. And as fuel was then,
as now, dear and scarce in those regions, great seems to have been the
dexterity exercised in preparing as many things as possible with as
little fire. An admirable contrivance of this nature may be still seen
in the Neapolitan Museum, viz., a portable kitchen, about the size of a
folio volume, containing stoves for four dishes, and an apparatus for
heating water or other beverages.
Across the small kitchen flitted many forms which the quick eye of the
master did not recognize.
'Oh! oh!' grumbled he to himself, 'that cursed Congrio hath invited a
whole legion of cooks to assist him. They won't serve for nothing, and
this is another item in the total of my day's expenses. By Bacchus!
thrice lucky shall I be if the slaves do not help themselves to some of
the drinking vessels: ready, alas, are their hands, capacious are their
tunics. Me miserum!'
The cooks, however, worked on, seemingly heedless of the apparition of
Diomed.
'Ho, Euclio, your egg-pan! What, is this the largest? it only holds
thirty-three eggs: in the houses I usually serve, the smallest egg-pan
holds fifty, if need be!'
'The unconscionable rogue!' thought Diomed; 'he talks of eggs as if they
were a sesterce a hundred!'
'By Mercury!' cried a pert little culinary disciple, scarce in his
novitiate; 'whoever saw such antique sweetmeat shapes as these?--It is
impossible to do credit to one's art with such rude materials. Why,
Sallust's commonest sweetmeat shape represents the whole siege of Troy;
Hector and Paris, and Helen... with little Astyanax and the Wooden
Horse into the bargain!'
'Silence, fool!' said Congrio, the cook of the house, who seemed to
leave the chief part of the battle to his allies. 'My master, Diomed,
is not one of those expensive good-for-noughts, who must have the last
fashion, cost what it will!'
'Thou liest, base slave!' cried Diomed, in a great passion--and thou
costest me already enough to have ruined Lucullus himself! Come out of
thy den, I want to talk to thee.'
The slave, with a sly wink at his confederates, obeyed the command.
'Man of three letters,' said Diomed, with his face of solemn anger, 'how
didst thou dare to invite all those rascals into my house?--I see thief
written in every line of their faces.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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