England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Married people -- Fiction; Mystery fiction
In the hours of his delirium--hours that recurred with a pitiless
regularity--my name was always on my poor darling’s fevered lips.
The ruling idea in him was the fine dreadful idea which I had vainly
combated at our last interview. In the face of the verdict pronounced
at the Trial, it was impossible even for his wife to be really and truly
persuaded that he was an innocent man. All the wild pictures which his
distempered imagination drew were equally inspired by that one obstinate
conviction. He fancied himself to be still living with me under those
dreaded conditions. Do what he might, I was always recalling to him the
terrible ordeal through which he had passed. He acted his part, and he
acted mine. He gave me a cup of tea; and I said to him, “We quarreled
yesterday, Eustace. Is it poisoned?” He kissed me, in token of our
reconciliation; and I laughed, and said, “It’s morning now, my dear.
Shall I die by nine o’clock to-night?” I was ill in bed, and he gave me
my medicine. I looked at him with a doubting eye. I said to him, “You
are in love with another woman. Is there anything in the medicine that
the doctor doesn’t know of?” Such was the horrible drama which now
perpetually acted itself in his mind. Hundreds and hundreds of times I
heard him repeat it, almost always in the same words. On other occasions
his thoughts wandered away to my desperate project of proving him to be
an innocent man. Sometimes he laughed at it. Sometimes he mourned
over it. Sometimes he devised cunning schemes for placing unsuspected
obstacles in my way. He was especially hard on me when he was inventing
his preventive stratagems--he cheerfully instructed the visionary people
who assisted him not to hesitate at offending or distressing me. “Never
mind if you make her angry; never mind if you make her cry. It’s all for
her good; it’s all to save the poor fool from dangers she doesn’t dream
of. You mustn’t pity her when she says she does it for my sake. See! she
is going to be insulted; she is going to be deceived; she is going to
disgrace herself without knowing it. Stop her! stop her!” It was weak of
me, I know; I ought to have kept the plain fact that he was out of his
senses always present to my mind: still it is true that my hours passed
at my husband’s pillow were many of them hours of mortification and
misery of which he, poor dear, was the innocent and only cause.
The weeks passed; and he still hovered between life and death.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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