even Denis--they'd all collapsed and I did mind, horribly. But not like
that. As long as I could see Lucy sometimes, I could go on--and I had
Thomas too, though I don't know why he hasn't collapsed yet. But at last,
quite suddenly, when the emptiness and the losing had been getting to
seem worse and worse for a long time, they became so bad that they were
impossible. I got angry; it was for Thomas more than for myself, I think;
and I said it should end. I said I would take things; steal them, if I
couldn't get them by fair means. And I went down to Astleys, to see them,
to tell them it must end. And in the woods I met Lucy. And she'd been
getting to know too that it must end, for her sake as well as for
mine.... And so we're going to end it, and begin again. We're going to be
happy, because life is too jolly to miss."
Peter ended defiantly, and flung his razor in among the socks.
Rodney had listened quietly, his eyes on Peter's profile. When he
stayed silent, Peter supposed that he had at last convinced him of the
unbreakable strength of his purpose for iniquity, and that he would give
him up and go away. After a minute he turned and looked up at Rodney, and
said, "Now do you see that it's no good?"
Rodney took out his pipe and knocked it out and put it away before he
answered:
"I'm glad you've said all that, Peter. Not that I didn't know it all
before; of course I did. When I said at first that I didn't understand
you, I was lying. I did understand, perfectly well. But I'm glad you've
said it, because it's well to know that you realise it so clearly
yourself. It saves my explaining it to you. It gives us a common
knowledge to start on. And now may _I_ talk for a little, please? No,
not for a little; for some time."
"Go on," said Peter. "But it's no use, you know.... What do you mean by
our common knowledge? The knowledge that I'm a failure?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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