[Footnote 488: _Tullia de via recta in hortos_, for _tu_, etc., and _ad te postridie_. This may not be right, but no other suggestions as to the meaning of these abrupt clauses have been made which are in the least convincing. We must suppose that Atticus has asked Tullia to stay with him and his wife Pilia, and Cicero is describing her journey from Antium.] [Footnote 489: L. Lucceius, of whom we have heard before, as having some quarrel with Atticus. His work has not survived. No letter of the correspondence has brought more adimadversion on Cicero, and yet log-rolling and the appealing to friends on the press to review one's book are not wholly unknown even in our time.] [Footnote 490: Cicero appears by a slip to have written Themistocles instead of Aristeides. The dramatic return of the latter just before the battle of Salamis is narrated in Herodotus: whereas the former never returned, though his dead body was said to have been brought to Athens.] CIX (A IV, 6) TO ATTICUS (AT ROME) FROM THE COUNTRY (APRIL-MAY) [Sidenote: B.C. 56, ÆT. 50] Of course I am as sorry about Lentulus as I am bound to be: we have lost a good patriot and a great man, one who to great strength of character united a culture equally profound. My consolation is a miserable one, but still it is a consolation--that I do not grieve on his account: I don't mean in the sense of Saufeius and your Epicurean friends, but, by Hercules, because he loved his country so deeply, that he seems to me to have been snatched away by a special favour of providence from its conflagration. For what could be more humiliating than the life we are living, especially mine? For as to yourself, though by nature a politician, you have yet avoided having any servitude peculiar to yourself: you merely come under an appellation common to us all.[491] But _I_, who, if I say what I ought about the Republic, am looked on as mad, if what expediency dictates, as a slave, and if I say nothing, as utterly crushed and helpless--what must I be suffering? Suffer, indeed, I do, and all the more keenly that I cannot even shew my pain without appearing ungrateful. Again: what if I should choose a life of inactivity and take refuge in the harbour of retired leisure? Impossible! Rather war and the camp! Am I to serve in the ranks after refusing to be a general? I suppose I must. For I perceive you, too, think so, you whom I wish that I had always obeyed. All that is left to me now is, "You have drawn Sparta: make the best of it!" But, by heavens, I can't: and I feel for Philoxenus,[492] who preferred a return to gaol. However, in my present retirement I am thinking over how to express my rejection of the old policy, and when we meet you will strengthen me in it.