Was it not blasphemy, then, against your own charms, and against my
feelings, to suppose that a short fortnight could abate my passion? You,
my love, may have your cares and anxieties to disturb you, but they are
the usual recurrences of life; your future views are fixed, and your
mind in a settled routine. Could not you, my ever dearest Madam, make a
little allowance for a man, after long absence, paying a short visit to
a country full of friends, relations, and early intimates? Cannot you
guess, my Clarinda, what thoughts, what cares, what anxious forebodings,
hopes and fears, must crowd the breast of the man of keen sensibility,
when no less is on the tapis than his aim, his employment, his very
existence, through future life!
Now that, not my apology, but my defence is made, I feel my soul respire
more easily. I know you will go along with me in my justification--would
to Heaven you could in my adoption too! I mean an adoption beneath the
stars--an adoption where I might revel in the immediate beams of
Her, the bright sun of all her sex.
I would not have you, my dear Madam, so much hurt at Miss Nimmo's
coldness. 'Tis placing yourself below her, an honour she by no means
deserves. We ought, when we wish to be economists in happiness--we
ought, in the first place, to fix the standard of our own character; and
when, on full examination, we know where we stand, and how much ground
we occupy, let us contend for it as property; and those who seem to
doubt, or deny us what is justly ours, let us either pity their
prejudices, or despise their judgment. I know, my dear, you will say
this is self-conceit; but I call it self-knowledge. The one is
theoverweening opinion of a fool, who fancies himself to be what he
wishes himself to be thought; the other is the honest justice that a man
of sense, who has thoroughly examined the subject, owes to himself.
Without this standard, this column in our own mind, we are perpetually
at the mercy of the petulance, the mistakes, the prejudices, nay, the
very weakness and wickedness of our fellow-creatures.
I urge this, my dear, both to confirm myself in the doctrine, which, I
assure you, I sometimes need; and because I know that this causes you
often much disquiet. To return to Miss Nimmo: she is most certainly a
worthy soul, and equalled by very, very few, in goodness of heart. But
can she boast more goodness of heart than Clarinda? Not even prejudice
will dare to say so. For penetration and discernment, Clarinda sees far
beyond her: to wit, Miss Nimmo dare make no pretence; to Clarinda's wit,
scarcely any of her sex dare make pretence. Personal charms, it would be
ridiculous to run the parallel. And for conduct in life, Miss Nimmo was
never called out, either much to do or to suffer; Clarinda has been
both; and has performed her part, where Miss Nimmo would have sunk at
the bare idea.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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