It is economy, Sir; it is that cardinal virtue, prudence; so I beg you
will sit down, and either compose or borrow a panegyric. If you are
going to borrow, apply to[97] ... to compose, or rather to compound,
something very clever on my remarkable frugality; that I write to one of
my most esteemed friends on this wretched paper, which was originally
intended for the venal fist of some drunken exciseman, to take dirty
notes in a miserable vault of an ale-cellar.
O Frugality! thou mother of ten thousand blessings--thou cook of fat
beef and dainty greens!--thou manufacturer of warm Shetland hose, and
comfortable surtouts!--thou old housewife, darning thy decayed
stockings with thy ancient spectacles on thy aged nose!--lead me, hand
me in thy clutching palsied fist, up those heights, and through those
thickets, hitherto inaccessible, and impervious to my anxious, weary
feet:--not those Parnassian crags, bleak and barren, where the hungry
worshippers of fame are, breathless, clambering, hanging between heaven
and hell; but those glittering cliffs of Potosi, where the
all-sufficient, all-powerful deity, wealth, holds his immediate court of
joy and pleasures; where the sunny exposure of plenty, and the hot walls
of profusion, produce those blissful fruits of luxury, exotics in this
world, and natives of paradise!--Thou withered sibyl, my sage
conductress, usher me into thy refulgent, adored presence!--The power,
splendid and potent as he now is, was once the puling nursling of thy
faithful care and tender arms! Call me thy son, thy cousin, thy kinsman,
or favourite, and adjure the god by the scenes of his infant years, no
longer to repulse me as a stranger, or an alien, but to favour me with
his peculiar countenance and protection! He daily bestows his great
kindness on the undeserving and the worthless--assure him that I bring
ample documents of meritorious demerits! Pledge yourself for me, that,
for the glorious cause of lucre, I will do anything, be anything; but
the horse-leech of private oppression, or the vulture of public robbery!
But to descend from heroics.
I want a Shakespeare; I want likewise an English dictionary,--Johnson's,
I suppose, is best. In these and all my prose commissions, the cheapest
is always the best for me. There is a small debt of honour that I owe
Mr. Robert Cleghorn, in Saughton Mills, my worthy friend, and your
well-wisher. Please give him, and urge him to take it, the first time
you see him, ten shillings worth of anything you have to sell, and place
it to my account.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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