Can it be possible, that when I resign this frail, feverish being, I
shall still find myself in conscious existence? When the last gasp of
agony has announced that I am no more to those that knew me, and the few
who loved me; when the cold, stiffened, unconscious, ghastly corse is
resigned into the earth, to be the prey of unsightly reptiles, and to
become in time a trodden clod, shall I be yet warm in life, seeing and
seen, enjoying and enjoyed? Ye venerable sages, and holy flamens, is
there probability in your conjectures, truth in your stories, of another
world beyond death; or are they all alike, baseless visions, and
fabricated fables? If there is another life, it must be only for the
just, the benevolent, the amiable, and the humane; what a flattering
idea, then, is a world to come! Would to God I as firmly believed it, as
I ardently wish it! There I should meet an aged parent, now at rest from
the many buffetings of an evil world, against which he so long and so
bravely struggled. There should I meet the friend, the disinterested
friend of my early life; the man who rejoiced to see me, because he
loved me and could serve me. Muir, thy weaknesses were the aberrations
of human nature, but thy heart glowed with everything generous, manly,
and noble; and if ever emanation from the All-good Being animated a
human form, it was thine! There should I, with speechless agony of
rapture, again recognise my lost, my ever dear Mary! whose bosom was
fraught with truth, honour, constancy, and love.
My Mary, dear departed shade!
Where is thy place of heavenly rest?
Seest thou thy lover lowly laid?
Hear'st thou the groans that rend his breast?
Jesus Christ, thou amiablest of characters! I trust thou art no
impostor, and that thy revelation of blissful scenes of existence beyond
death and the grave, is not one of the many impositions which time after
time have been palmed on credulous mankind. I trust that in thee "shall
all the families of the earth be blessed," by being yet connected
together in a better world, where every tie that bound heart to heart,
in this state of existence, shall be, far beyond our present
conceptions, more endearing.
I am a good deal inclined to think with those who maintain, that what
are called nervous affections are in fact diseases of the mind. I cannot
reason, I cannot think; and but to you I would not venture to write
anything above an order to a cobbler. You have felt too much of the ills
of life not to sympathise with a diseased wretch, who has impaired more
than half of any faculties he possessed. Your goodness will excuse this
distracted scrawl, which the writer dare scarcely read, and which he
would throw into the fire, were he able to write anything better, or
indeed anything at all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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