"Then this was the penalty of your bachelorhood? You should remember, brother, that so good a chance to become a father as that which is offered to the pastor of a flourishing congregation should never be lost; and he who fails to embrace it, evinces a want of wisdom the clergy would do well never to betray," said the major, begging that his newly made friend would proceed with his story. "As I never disdain friendship, (hoping the rudeness of my remarks at our meeting may find pardon in my sorrow,) I will give a respite to my tongue by quenching my thirst with another sup of the contents of that flask, for it gives me much relief in body as well as in mind." The major was only too glad to grant his request; and having passed him the flask, he said, as the other raised it to his mouth, he hoped it would transfer the hidden secrets of his heart to the light of day, since nothing pleased him more than a recital of the sorrows of the forlorn ambitious. And here he of the swine, and he of the tin traps, continued to converse most strangely, the latter sympathizing with every new sorrow, of which the former seemed to have a never ending supply. "Being in a remote village of Pennsylvania," resumed he of the sorrows, "and having neither trade nor friends, I thought to get my living by teaching school; but the shafts of scandal followed me, and the honest and simple-minded villagers thought it wise not to have their children taught by one who had attempted the virtue of an innocent. I saw nothing but to take to politics, which I did much against my sense of self respect, it being a profession requiring those who followed it to live a vagabond life, as well as to become the associate of vagabonds and mischief making priests. I took a strong part in a presidential campaign" ("Jist like me," interrupted the major), "and being on the successful side, as wise men always are, I went to Washington in the hope that my services would be rewarded by a grateful government. But in this there was a mistake, for the government seemed to have forgotten every thing but the slanders against my character; and though the hussy whose oath had sealed my doom was removed to Washington, where she was atoning for her outraged virtue by practicing the arts of the fair but frail, it neither lessened the sting of my misfortunes, nor restored me my character. She had sworn falsely, when her morals were no better than they should be. She now offered to do me justice by swearing to the truth; but so public had become the character she bore, that though she might swear to the truth of her own falsehood a thousand times, no one would believe her. It was curious to see the anomaly of my position; for while I could have poured out a flood of lamentations at the want of virtue in Congress, no one valued my own of sufficient weight to be recommended for an office. Congress, that had no virtue, or if it had, its quality was too hard for use, was for ever standing in