Brother _Toby_, replied my father, altering his tone, you care not what money you dissipate and throw away, provided, continued he, ’tis but upon a SIEGE.——Have I not one hundred and twenty pounds a year, besides my half pay? cried my uncle _Toby_.—What is that—replied my father hastily—to ten pounds for a pair of jack-boots?—twelve guineas for your _pontoons_?—half as much for your _Dutch_ draw-bridge?—to say nothing of the train of little brass artillery you bespoke last week, with twenty other preparations for the siege of _Messina_: believe me, dear brother _Toby_, continued my father, taking him kindly by the hand—these military operations of yours are above your strength;—you mean well brother——but they carry you into greater expences than you were first aware of;—and take my word, dear _Toby_, they will in the end quite ruin your fortune, and make a beggar of you.—What signifies it if they do, brother, replied my uncle _Toby_, so long as we know ’tis for the good of the nation?—— My father could not help smiling for his soul—his anger at the worst was never more than a spark;—and the zeal and simplicity of _Trim_—and the generous (though hobby-horsical) gallantry of my uncle _Toby_, brought him into perfect good humour with them in an instant. Generous souls!—God prosper you both, and your mortar-pieces too! quoth my father to himself. C H A P. XVI ALL is quiet and hush, cried my father, at least above stairs—I hear not one foot stirring.—Prithee _Trim_, who’s in the kitchen? There is no one soul in the kitchen, answered _Trim_, making a low bow as he spoke, except Dr. _Slop_.—Confusion! cried my father (getting upon his legs a second time)—not one single thing has gone right this day! had I faith in astrology, brother, (which, by the bye, my father had) I would have sworn some retrograde planet was hanging over this unfortunate house of mine, and turning every individual thing in it out of its place.——Why, I thought Dr. _Slop_ had been above stairs with my wife, and so said you.——What can the fellow be puzzling about in the kitchen!—He is busy, an’ please your honour, replied _Trim_, in making a bridge.——’Tis very obliging in him, quoth my uncle _Toby_:——pray, give my humble service to Dr. _Slop, Trim_, and tell him I thank him heartily.