KING _William_, said my uncle _Toby_, addressing himself to _Yorick_, was so terribly provoked at count _Solmes_ for disobeying his orders, that he would not suffer him to come into his presence for many months after.——I fear, answered _Yorick_, the squire will be as much provoked at the corporal, as the King at the count.——But ’twould be singularly hard in this case, continued be, if corporal _Trim_, who has behaved so diametrically opposite to count _Solmes_, should have the fate to be rewarded with the same disgrace:——too oft in this world, do things take that train.——I would spring a mine, cried my uncle _Toby_, rising up,——and blow up my fortifications, and my house with them, and we would perish under their ruins, ere I would stand by and see it.——_Trim_ directed a slight,——but a grateful bow towards his master,——and so the chapter ends. C H A P. XXIII ——Then, _Yorick_, replied my uncle _Toby_, you and I will lead the way abreast,——and do you, corporal, follow a few paces behind us.——And _Susannah_, an’ please your honour, said _Trim_, shall be put in the rear.——’Twas an excellent disposition,—and in this order, without either drums beating, or colours flying, they marched slowly from my uncle _Toby_’s house to _Shandy-hall._ ——I wish, said _Trim_, as they entered the door,—instead of the sash weights, I had cut off the church spout, as I once thought to have done.—You have cut off spouts enow, replied _Yorick._ C H A P. XXIV As many pictures as have been given of my father, how like him soever in different airs and attitudes,—not one, or all of them, can ever help the reader to any kind of preconception of how my father would think, speak, or act, upon any untried occasion or occurrence of life.—There was that infinitude of oddities in him, and of chances along with it, by which handle he would take a thing,—it baffled, Sir, all calculations.——The truth was, his road lay so very far on one side, from that wherein most men travelled,—that every object before him presented a face and section of itself to his eye, altogether different from the plan and elevation of it seen by the rest of mankind.—In other words, ’twas a different object, and in course was differently considered: This is the true reason, that my dear _Jenny_ and I, as well as all the world besides us, have such eternal squabbles about nothing.—She looks at her outside,—I, at her in—. How is it possible we should agree about her value? C H A P. XXV ’TIS a point settled,—and I mention it for the comfort of _Confucius_,[24] who is apt to get entangled in telling a plain story—that provided he keeps along the line of his story,—he may go backwards and forwards as he will,—’tis still held to be no digression. This being premised, I take the benefit of the _act of going backwards_ myself. [24] Mr _Shandy_ is supposed to mean * * * * * * * * * * *, Esq; member for * * * * * *,——and not the _Chinese_ Legislator. C H A P. XXVI