This looked something like heat;—and the manner of his reply to what my uncle _Toby_ was saying, proved it was so. —“Not choose,” quoth my father, (repeating my uncle _Toby_’s words) “to let a man come so near her!”——By Heaven, brother _Toby!_ you would try the patience of _Job_;—and I think I have the plagues of one already without it.——Why?——Where?——Wherein?——Wherefore?——Upon what account? replied my uncle _Toby_: in the utmost astonishment.—To think, said my father, of a man living to your age, brother, and knowing so little about women!——I know nothing at all about them,—replied my uncle _Toby_: And I think, continued he, that the shock I received the year after the demolition of _Dunkirk_, in my affair with widow _Wadman_;—which shock you know I should not have received, but from my total ignorance of the sex,—has given me just cause to say, That I neither know nor do pretend to know any thing about ’em or their concerns either.—Methinks, brother, replied my father, you might, at least, know so much as the right end of a woman from the wrong. It is said in _Aristotle’s Master Piece_, “That when a man doth think of any thing which is past,—he looketh down upon the ground;——but that when he thinketh of something that is to come, he looketh up towards the heavens.” My uncle _Toby_, I suppose, thought of neither, for he look’d horizontally.—Right end! quoth my uncle _Toby_, muttering the two words low to himself, and fixing his two eyes insensibly as he muttered them, upon a small crevice, formed by a bad joint in the chimney-piece——Right end of a woman!——I declare, quoth my uncle, I know no more which it is than the man in the moon;——and if I was to think, continued my uncle _Toby_ (keeping his eyes still fixed upon the bad joint) this month together, I am sure I should not be able to find it out. Then, brother _Toby_, replied my father, I will tell you. Every thing in this world, continued my father (filling a fresh pipe)—every thing in this world, my dear brother _Toby_, has two handles.——Not always, quoth my uncle _Toby._——At least, replied my father, every one has two hands,——which comes to the same thing.——Now, if a man was to sit down coolly, and consider within himself the make, the shape, the construction, come-at-ability, and convenience of all the parts which constitute the whole of that animal, called Woman, and compare them analogically—I never understood rightly the meaning of that word,—quoth my uncle _Toby._—