But pray, Dr. _Slop_, quoth my father, interrupting my uncle (tho’ not
without begging pardon for it at the same time) upon what principles
was this self-same chariot set a-going?—Upon very pretty principles to
be sure, replied Dr. _Slop_:—And I have often wondered, continued he,
evading the question, why none of our gentry, who live upon large
plains like this of ours,—(especially they whose wives are not past
child-bearing) attempt nothing of this kind; for it would not only be
infinitely expeditious upon sudden calls, to which the sex is
subject,—if the wind only served,—but would be excellent good husbandry
to make use of the winds, which cost nothing, and which eat nothing,
rather than horses, which (the devil take ’em) both cost and eat a
great deal.
For that very reason, replied my father, “Because they cost nothing,
and because they eat nothing,”—the scheme is bad;—it is the consumption
of our products, as well as the manufactures of them, which gives bread
to the hungry, circulates trade,—brings in money, and supports the
value of our lands;—and tho’, I own, if I was a Prince, I would
generously recompense the scientifick head which brought forth such
contrivances;—yet I would as peremptorily suppress the use of them.
My father here had got into his element,—and was going on as
prosperously with his dissertation upon trade, as my uncle _Toby_ had
before, upon his of fortification;—but to the loss of much sound
knowledge, the destinies in the morning had decreed that no
dissertation of any kind should be spun by my father that day,——for as
he opened his mouth to begin the next sentence,
C H A P. XL
IN popped Corporal _Trim_ with _Stevinus_:—But ’twas too late,—all the
discourse had been exhausted without him, and was running into a new
channel.
—You may take the book home again, _Trim_, said my uncle _Toby_,
nodding to him.
But prithee, Corporal, quoth my father, drolling,—look first into it,
and see if thou canst spy aught of a sailing chariot in it.
Corporal _Trim_, by being in the service, had learned to obey,—and not
to remonstrate,—so taking the book to a side-table, and running over
the leaves; An’ please your Honour, said _Trim_, I can see no such
thing;—however, continued the Corporal, drolling a little in his turn,
I’ll make sure work of it, an’ please your Honour;—so taking hold of
the two covers of the book, one in each hand, and letting the leaves
fall down as he bent the covers back, he gave the book a good sound
shake.
There is something falling out, however, said _Trim_, an’ please your
Honour;—but it is not a chariot, or any thing like one:—Prithee,
Corporal, said my father, smiling, what is it then?—I think, answered
_Trim_, stooping to take it up,——’tis more like a sermon,——for it
begins with a text of scripture, and the chapter and verse;—and then
goes on, not as a chariot, but like a sermon directly.
The company smiled.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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