I cannot conceive how it is possible, quoth my uncle _Toby_, for such a thing as a sermon to have got into my _Stevinus_. I think ’tis a sermon, replied _Trim_; --but if it please your Honours, as it is a fair hand, I will read you a page; --for _Trim_, you must know, loved to hear himself read almost as well as talk. I have ever a strong propensity, said my father, to look into things which cross my way, by such strange fatalities as these; --and as we have nothing better to do, at least till _Obadiah_ gets back, I shall be obliged to you, brother, if Dr. _Slop_ has no objection to it, to order the Corporal to give us a page or two of it, --if he is as able to do it, as he seems willing. An’ please your Honour, quoth _Trim_, I officiated two whole campaigns, in _Flanders_, as clerk to the chaplain of the regiment. ----He can read it, quoth my uncle _Toby_, as well as I can. ----_Trim_, I assure you, was the best scholar in my company, and should have had the next halberd, but for the poor fellow’s misfortune. Corporal _Trim_ laid his hand upon his heart, and made an humble bow to his master; --then laying down his hat upon the floor, and taking up the sermon in his left hand, in order to have his right at liberty, ----he advanced, nothing doubting, into the middle of the room, where he could best see, and be best seen by his audience. CHAPTER XVI --If you have any objection, --said my father, addressing himself to Dr. _Slop_. Not in the least, replied Dr. _Slop_; --for it does not appear on which side of the question it is wrote; ----it may be a composition of a divine of our church, as well as yours, --so that we run equal risques. ----’Tis wrote upon neither side, quoth _Trim_, for ’tis only upon _Conscience_, an’ please your Honours. _Trim’s_ reason put his audience into good-humour, --all but Dr. _Slop_, who turning his head about towards _Trim_, looked a little angry. Begin, _Trim_, --and read distinctly, quoth my father. --I will, an’ please your Honour, replied the Corporal, making a bow, and bespeaking attention with a slight movement of his right hand. CHAPTER XVII ----But before the Corporal begins, I must first give you a description of his attitude; ----otherwise he will naturally stand represented, by your imagination, in an uneasy posture, --stiff, --perpendicular, --dividing the weight of his body equally upon both legs; ----his eye fixed, as if on duty; --his look determined, --clenching the sermon in his left hand, like his firelock. ----In a word, you would be apt to paint _Trim_, as if he was standing in his platoon ready for action. --His attitude was as unlike all this as you can conceive.