In all disputes, ----male or female, ----whether for honour, for profit, or for love, --it makes no difference in the case; --nothing is more dangerous, Madam, than a wish coming sideways in this unexpected manner upon a man: the safest way in general to take off the force of the wish, is for the party wish’d at, instantly to get upon his legs--and wish the _wisher_ something in return, of pretty near the same value, ----so balancing the account upon the spot, you stand as you were--nay sometimes gain the advantage of the attack by it. This will be fully illustrated to the world in my chapter of wishes.-- Dr. _Slop_ did not understand the nature of this defence; --he was puzzled with it, and it put an entire stop to the dispute for four minutes and a half; --five had been fatal to it: --my father saw the danger--the dispute was one of the most interesting disputes in the world, “Whether the child of his prayers and endeavours should be born without a head or with one:” --he waited to the last moment, to allow Dr. _Slop_, in whose behalf the wish was made, his right of returning it; but perceiving, I say, that he was confounded, and continued looking with that perplexed vacuity of eye which puzzled souls generally stare with--first in my uncle _Toby’s_ face--then in his--then up--then down--then east--east and by east, and so on, ----coasting it along by the plinth of the wainscot till he had got to the opposite point of the compass, ----and that he had actually begun to count the brass nails upon the arm of his chair, --my father thought there was no time to be lost with my uncle _Toby_, so took up the discourse as follows. [Footnote 3.1: Vide page 105.] [[end of ch. II.XVIII]] CHAPTER II “--What prodigious armies you had in _Flanders!_”---- Brother _Toby_, replied my father, taking his wig from off his head with his right hand, and with his _left_ pulling out a striped _India_ handkerchief from his right coat pocket, in order to rub his head, as he argued the point with my uncle _Toby_.---- ----Now, in this I think my father was much to blame; and I will give you my reasons for it. Matters of no more seeming consequence in themselves than, “_Whether my father should have taken off his wig with his right hand or with his left_,” ----have divided the greatest kingdoms, and made the crowns of the monarchs who governed them, to totter upon their heads. ----But need I tell you, Sir, that the circumstances with which every thing in this world is begirt, give every thing in this world its size and shape! --and by tightening it, or relaxing it, this way or that, make the thing to be, what it is--great--little--good--bad--indifferent or not indifferent, just as the case happens?