_Zeno_, _Cleanthes_, _Diogenes Babylonius_, _Dionysius_, _Heracleotes_,
_Antipater_, _Panætius_, and _Posidonius_ amongst the _Greeks_;
----_Cato_ and _Varro_ and _Seneca_ amongst the _Romans_;
----_Pantæonus_ and _Clemens Alexandrinus_ and _Montaigne_ amongst the
Christians; and a score and a half of good, honest, unthinking
_Shandean_ people as ever lived, whose names I can’t recollect, --all
pretended that their jerkins were made after this fashion, --you might
have rumpled and crumpled, and doubled and creased, and fretted and
fridged the outside of them all to pieces; ----in short, you might have
played the very devil with them, and at the same time, not one of the
insides of them would have been one button the worse, for all you had
done to them.
I believe in my conscience that mine is made up somewhat after this
sort: ----for never poor jerkin has been tickled off at such a rate as
it has been these last nine months together, ----and yet I declare, the
lining to it, ------as far as I am a judge of the matter, ----is not a
three-penny piece the worse; --pell-mell, helter-skelter, ding-dong, cut
and thrust, back stroke and fore stroke, side way and long way, have
they been trimming it for me: --had there been the least gumminess in my
lining, --by heaven! it had all of it long ago been frayed and fretted
to a thread.
------You Messrs. the Monthly reviewers! ------how could you cut and
slash my jerkin as you did? ----how did you know but you would cut my
lining too?
Heartily and from my soul, to the protection of that Being who will
injure none of us, do I recommend you and your affairs, --so God bless
you; --only next month, if any one of you should gnash his teeth, and
storm and rage at me, as some of you did last MAY (in which I remember
the weather was very hot)--don’t be exasperated, if I pass it by again
with good temper, --being determined as long as I live or write (which
in my case means the same thing) never to give the honest gentleman a
worse word or a worse wish than my uncle _Toby_ gave the fly which
buzz’d about his nose all _dinner-time_, ------“Go, --go, poor devil,”
quoth he, --“get thee gone, --why should I hurt thee? This world is
surely wide enough to hold both thee and me.”
CHAPTER V
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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