He would often declare, in speaking his thoughts upon the subject, that he did not conceive how the greatest family in _England_ could stand it out against an uninterrupted succession of six or seven short noses. --And for the contrary reason, he would generally add, That it must be one of the greatest problems in civil life, where the same number of long and jolly noses, following one another in a direct line, did not raise and hoist it up into the best vacancies in the kingdom. ------He would often boast that the _Shandy_ family rank’d very high in King _Harry_ the VIIIth’s time, but owed its rise to no state engine--he would say--but to that only; ----but that, like other families, he would add----it had felt the turn of the wheel, and had never recovered the blow of my great-grandfather’s nose. ----It was an ace of clubs indeed, he would cry, shaking his head--and as vile a one for an unfortunate family as ever turn’d up trumps. ------Fair and softly, gentle reader! ------where is thy fancy carrying thee? ----If there is truth in man, by my great-grandfather’s nose, I mean the external organ of smelling, or that part of man which stands prominent in his face----and which painters say, in good jolly noses and well-proportioned faces, should comprehend a full third----that is, measured downwards from the setting on of the hair.---- ----What a life of it has an author, at this pass! CHAPTER XXXIV It is a singular blessing, that nature has form’d the mind of man with the same happy backwardness and renitency against conviction, which is observed in old dogs-- “of not learning new tricks.” What a shuttlecock of a fellow would the greatest philosopher that ever existed be whisk’d into at once, did he read such books, and observe such facts, and think such thoughts, as would eternally be making him change sides! Now, my father, as I told you last year, detested all this --He pick’d up an opinion, Sir, as a man in a state of nature picks up an apple. --It becomes his own--and if he is a man of spirit, he would lose his life rather than give it up. I am aware that _Didius_, the great civilian, will contest this point; and cry out against me, Whence comes this man’s right to this apple? _ex confesso_, he will say--things were in a state of nature --The apple, as much _Frank’s_ apple as _John’s_. Pray, Mr. _Shandy_, what patent has he to shew for it? and how did it begin to be his? was it, when he set his heart upon it? or when he gathered it? or when he chew’d it? or when he roasted it? or when he peel’d, or when he brought it home? or when he digested? --or when he----? ----For ’tis plain, Sir, if the first picking up of the apple, made it not his--that no subsequent act could.