Had Dr. _Slop_ beheld _Obadiah_ a mile off, posting in a narrow lane
directly towards him, at that monstrous rate, --splashing and plunging
like a devil thro’ thick and thin, as he approached, would not such a
phænomenon, with such a vortex of mud and water moving along with it,
round its axis, --have been a subject of juster apprehension to Dr.
_Slop_ in his situation, than the _worst_ of _Whiston’s_ comets? --To
say nothing of the NUCLEUS; that is, of _Obadiah_ and the coach-horse.
--In my idea, the vortex alone of ’em was enough to have involved and
carried, if not the doctor, at least the doctor’s pony, quite away with
it. What then do you think must the terror and hydrophobia of Dr. _Slop_
have been, when you read (which you are just going to do) that he was
advancing thus warily along towards _Shandy-Hall_, and had approached to
within sixty yards of it, and within five yards of a sudden turn, made
by an acute angle of the garden-wall, --and in the dirtiest part of a
dirty lane, --when _Obadiah_ and his coach-horse turned the corner,
rapid, furious, --pop, --full upon him! --Nothing, I think, in nature,
can be supposed more terrible than such a rencounter, --so imprompt! so
ill prepared to stand the shock of it as Dr. _Slop_ was.
What could Dr. _Slop_ do? ----he crossed himself + --Pugh! --but the
doctor, Sir, was a Papist. --No matter; he had better have kept hold of
the pummel --He had so; --nay, as it happened, he had better have done
nothing at all; for in crossing himself he let go his whip, ----and in
attempting to save his whip betwixt his knee and his saddle’s skirt, as
it slipped, he lost his stirrup, ----in losing which he lost his seat;
----and in the multitude of all these losses (which, by the bye, shews
what little advantage there is in crossing) the unfortunate doctor lost
his presence of mind. So that without waiting for _Obadiah’s_ onset, he
left his pony to its destiny, tumbling off it diagonally, something in
the stile and manner of a pack of wool, and without any other
consequence from the fall, save that of being left (as it would have
been) with the broadest part of him sunk about twelve inches deep in the
mire.
_Obadiah_ pull’d off his cap twice to Dr. _Slop_; --once as he was
falling, --and then again when he saw him seated. ----Ill-timed
complaisance; --had not the fellow better have stopped his horse, and
got off and help’d him? --Sir, he did all that his situation would
allow; --but the MOMENTUM of the coach-horse was so great, that
_Obadiah_ could not do it all at once; he rode in a circle three times
round Dr. _Slop_, before he could fully accomplish it any how; --and at
the last, when he did stop his beast, ’twas done with such an explosion
of mud, that _Obadiah_ had better have been a league off. In short,
never was a Dr. _Slop_ so beluted, and so transubstantiated, since that
affair came into fashion.
CHAPTER X
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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